


Bucky Imagines

by fanficwritter



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Bucky - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-07-07 00:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficwritter/pseuds/fanficwritter
Summary: The first of my Bucky Barnes imagine.My whole collection is on my Tumblr: yougottalovebuckybarnes.Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

ROSES:

“Y/N, please just talk to me.” Bucky’s voice pleaded to me as I walked down the hallway, but it fell on deaf ears. I was angry. No, I was beyond angry. I was furious. He had forgotten our one year anniversary, which I figured after I waited for over an hour dressed up in one of his favorite dresses at a fancy restaurant I had made reservations at a month ago.

I had no idea if people in the 30’s recognized anniversary’s in the way we do today, but I had hoped he’d have at least remembered the date. But he did not even say a single word about it, even now as I was storming down the hall away from him.

I’d let him figure that one out on his own.

I had simply ignored every word he said to me, and stormed off the moment he tried to touch me. If I was quite frank… I wasn’t in the mood for any PDA. I made my way to the kitchen to fix myself a cup of hot chocolate, before I went to bed. As the cup spun around in the microwave, two arms wound around my waist, and I turned to shove him off.

“I don’t understand what I did wrong.” His voice was full of hurt, and I swallowed away the lump growing in my throat.

“Check the calendar.” I sighed, as my hot chocolate finished it’s final rotation in the microwave. “Maybe that will give you a clue.” I

heard him pull his phone out of his pocket and mumble a curse. “Fuck.” “Language.” “Y/N, I’m so sorry.” His voice was sincere, and his blue eyes were sparkling with sadness. “I didn’t mean-“

“Where were you?” I interrupted, and looked at him as I took a sip of my hot chocolate.

“When?” Bucky looked confused.

“At six o’clock, when we were supposed to have dinner to celebrate our fucking anniversary.”

The venom in my voice caused Bucky to wince. He looked away before responding.

“I was with Steve and Sam having drinks.” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “It… It was Sam’s birthday.” I wasn’t even that angry even more. I was hurt. I was hurt that my boyfriend would remember the birthday of his friend, who wasn’t really his friend, but forget our anniversary. And I could tell that Bucky could sense my pain.

“Fine.” I shrugged as I tried to hold back my tears, and put my half-full cup of hot chocolate back on the counter. “You know what? That’s fine. Have fun celebrating Sam’s birthday. I’m going to sleep.”

“Y/N, please…” Bucky’s voice was almost a whisper as he tried to catch my wrist, but I shrugged out of his grasp.

“I’ll see you in the morning, James.”I pulled out a medium sized package from my sweatshirt pocket, and put it in on the counter.

On it, was a small note:

_**Happy anniversary, James. Thank you for being the light of my life for one whole year.** _

_**Love, Y/N** _

Without another word, I left the kitchen, walked back to my room, and slammed the door shut. And after that… I climbed in my bed and cried myself to sleep.

—-

Bucky’s POV

I watched brokenly as my girlfriend quickly exited the room, her eyes watery with tears that I had caused. I had fucked up. Really fucked up.

I glanced down at the package she left behind. I read the note on top, and couldn’t help the growing ache in my throat as I began to open the present. Inside, was a small picture frame, and inside of that was a picture of us from our first date.

We had started as friends first, and remained that way for about six months. By that point, we had discovered a lot about each other, and I think that’s what made the first date a hell of a lot better than what it would’ve been if we had just started by dating.

She loved the snow. She had lived in California for all of her life and hadn’t experienced snow much in her childhood. But, when she moved to New York to work with the Avengers, she had grown to enjoy the white substance that fell from the sky. With that in mind, I decided that was how we would spend our first date. After an hour or so of making some rather deformed snowman and having a few snowball fights, I took her out to get hot chocolate. The rest was history… And maybe this relationship was about to be history as well, because I had forgotten one simple date. Probably one of the most important days, if I’m being honest.

I ran my hands over my face, and let out a frustrated groan. The sound of feet entering the room caught my attention, but I didn’t look up. “Hey, pal. Happy anniversary, by the way! Did you just exchange gifts with Y/N?” Steve clapped my shoulder.

“No. She gave me a gift. I fucking forgot.” My voice sounded distressed, and in all my years alive, 1930s soldier and post Winter Soldier, I had never felt as upset as I did now. I turned and looked at Steve. “She’s so mad at me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she broke up with me in the morning. “

“Yikes.” Tony’s voice entered the conversation, and I already felt my blood begin to boil as he inserted his own commentary. “I don’t know how you’ll recover from that one, Frosty.”

“Not helping, Stark.” Steve glared at him, before looking back at me. “I’ll help you, Buck. “

“How?” I sighed, feeling hopeless. “You know, I might have been frozen for seventy years, but I might have a few tricks up my sleeves.” Steve smiled. “Come on, let’s go win your girl back.”

—- THE NEXT DAY --

Y/N’s POV

I woke up the next morning with tear streaks stained to my face. I groaned as I tried my hardest to wipe them away. As I was about to get out of bed, I noticed a rose laying on my nightstand. I picked it up, and noticed a small label attached to it.

_Month 1: You taught me how much fun a person can have in the snow._

I let out a small laugh as I thought back to our first date.

After a few moments, I stood and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. After I did that, I reached for my make up bag to put on at least a little make up on. But once I opened it, I found a second, smaller rose inside.

_Month 2: You taught me how to love myself again, metal arm and all. And I hope I’ve shown you that you’re beautiful just the way you are. So no make up today, doll._

“Oh Bucky.” I chuckled softly, before taking the rose and leaving the bathroom. For the next hour and a half, I spent time walking around the Tower finding different roses in different places, each with their own note about a different month of our relationship. And at last, I came down to second to last note.

On the end, it read:

_You’ll find your last gift at your favorite little coffee shop in Downtown, where your very forgetful and sorry boyfriend is waiting for you._

I smiled before I put on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt before walking down to where I was instructed to go. Sitting at one of the little tables overlooking the traffic of New York city was my boyfriend of a year, who looked simply stunning.

His hair was pulled back into a low bun, and black Aviator glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose. He was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt with a blazer on top. “

Wow. If I knew that you were here looking so handsome, I would’ve worn something better.” I laugh, and his head turned to face me.

"You look stunning, no matter what you wear. Thanks for coming.” Bucky stood up, and walked over to me to press a gentle kiss to my cheek. “I do have one more surprise for you, if you want to come and sit with me.”

“Of course.” I walk hand in hand with him back to the table, and took a seat across from him. He pulled out a small white box, with a red ribbon tied at the top.

“I’m beyond sorry for forgetting our anniversary.” Bucky took off his glasses, and smiled as he hands me the box.

“But… I promise that it won’t happen again. I love you too much for that to happen.”

“I forgive you. And to be honest… you did a great job with the flowers and everything. I really loved it.” I giggled softly before I started to open the box. I let out a small gasp as I pull out a delicate silver bracelet.

Attached to it, was a small charm. In closer examination, I discovered it was a rose. “I think roses were my saving grace this year.” He chuckled nervously and I let out a small laugh. “But I also think they’re very beautiful, just like you. And even if there are small thorns in our relationship, like the stupid mistake I made yesterday, I don’t ever want to let you go. Because I love you, Y/N.”

“That’s so sweet.” I smiled, my eyes pooling slightly with tears.

“Why are you crying?” He frowned, and leaned over to wipe away a tear that was trailing down my cheek.

“Because this is one of the most sweetest things that anyone has ever said to me.” I sniffle slightly, and give him a small smile. “I love it, Buck. I love you. Thank you.”

“I love you too, Doll.” He picked up the bracelet. “May I?”

“Yes.”

Bucky put the bracelet onto my left wrist, and after, he leaned in and kissed me gently. “So… am I forgiven?”

“Always.“


	2. Together

Y/N’s POV

_“You’re not trying hard enough.”_

His words ran through my mind with each punch that hit the bag attached to the ceiling. I gritted my teeth as I struck it harder and harder, so desperate to prove him wrong.

_“Toughen up, sweetheart. They won’t go easy on you like I will.”_

Tears brimmed at the corners of my eyes, but I fought them back as I continued my routine. Usually, it started with training with Bucky Barnes. He worked me to my limit, pushing me beyond my own physical capabilities and claiming that I wasn’t good enough. Nothing I could do would be good enough for him.

He would always dismiss me earlier than what we had scheduled, and I always left, with a mixture of anger and confusion as to why he would treat me like this. But after a few weeks of taking all his critism, I decided to train separately from him. I did not need a man’s help to take care of myself.

“Your hits are weak.” I closed my eyes and paused as his voice echoed in the empty gym. “You got to put more power into your punches.”

“I don’t need your help, Barnes.” I gritted my teeth, before resuming what I was doing. His footsteps echoed across the floor and my body grew tense as he grew closer to me.

“Maybe you don’t want my help…” Bucky’s face moved into my line of vision and I scowled. “But you do need it. You need to work on your stance.”

“Bucky…” I took a deep breath. “Leave me alone.”

“I have a responsibility for this team.” He took a step closer to me, his blue eyes livid as he stared down at me. “I won’t let anyone die because they’re simply too ignorant to learn how to fight properly. “

“I know how to fight properly!” I snapped, and stepped back.

“Do you now, doll?” A smirk pulled at the corners of his lips as he looked at me before opening his arms wide. “Give me your best shot.”

I stared at him for a moment, just taking it all in. His cockiness, his anger, and his hatred. His blue eyes, which I always thought were captivating and stunning, were clouded with emotions that I couldn’t even read. This was a whole new Bucky, one that the rest of the world never got to see. I didn’t understand why it was the Bucky I got to know and face every day.

“I don’t have to fight…” I said slowly, before stepping forward towards him. “… to prove my worth.”

I shoved him hard in the chest, watching as he stumbled backwards a step. I felt the tears pooling in my eyes start to slide down my face, but I didn’t care. “I don’t have to prove anything to you. You hate me? Fine. Just leave me the hell alone. I wanted to know you… but if this is the way you want it? Fine. Fuck you, Barnes.”

I turned around to walk towards the door, but felt a metal arm grip onto my wrist. I whirled around to face him, and glared at him darkly. “Get the fuck off of me, or so help me God, I will take you down.”

His eyes were different now. They weren’t angry, they were regretful. They didn’t hold hatred, they held sadness. It was if my words had flipped a switch in him. But I didn’t care. I yanked my hand free, and he let me go. I slammed the door shut behind me as I left, and stormed to my bedroom, trying to slow the tears that were streaming down my face. Even though the rest of my future was uncertain, I did know one thing: that was the last time I would let Bucky Barnes push me around.

TWO DAYS LATER:

“Alright. This is a simple in and out mission. We just need to get the intel from the base, and then we can all go home. Casualties are not a problem. Do whatever you need to get that hard drive. Now, move out.”

I nodded simply, and pulled out my gun, making sure it was loaded and that the safety was off.

After making it inside, I pulled out my map, and began looking for where the secured room was. A hand grasped my shoulder, and I whipped around, my gun aiming at none other than Bucky Barnes face. He raised his hands in mock surrender, a smirk playing at his lips. “You really gonna shoot me, doll?”

I scoffed and pulled the gun away before starting to walk away. “I wish I could.”

“Doll, come on…” Bucky sighed and walked after me. “Can we talk?”

“My name is Y/N, not _doll_.” I turned around and glared at him. “There, we talked.”

“We need to talk about what happened a few days ago.” His smirk faded away, and concern filled his eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Well… you did, Barnes.” I shook my head slowly. “You made me feel worthless, as if I didn’t deserve a place on the team, or as if I didn’t deserve to be anywhere. I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but I think it would be better if you left me alone.”

I walked away, unintentionally exposing myself to HYDRA guards only twenty feet away.

“Y/N-“

“That’s enough, Buck-“ My words were caught in my throat as a bullet shot straight into my shoulder. I turned my head to look at Bucky, his eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Before I could say another word, another bullet lodged into the same shoulder and my body slowly fell to the ground.

I could feel the blood soaking through my uniform, and I began to shake as I realized that this could be the end for me. Blurred figures and fuzzy voices were all I could make out, and a few moments later, gun shots began to fire. A familiar face entered my vision and I realized it was Bucky.

“Don’t close your eyes, Y/N.” HIs voice seemed urgent as he pulled strips from his shirt to press as a bandage against my wound. “We’re gonna get you out of here, just stay with me.”

“Y-You were right, Buck.” I managed to speak, as blood bubbled on my lips and I stared up at him through glassy eyes. “Maybe I was t-too ignorant to learn.”

“This is not your fault.” Bucky shook his head quickly, as he continued to put pressure on the wound. “You’re not going to die. Just stay awake.”

“Mm…” I slurred as I felt darkness lulling me to fall asleep. “Y/N!” His voice began to slow down, and darkness crept into my vision.

I smiled weakly at him once more, before saying. “I’m s-sorry.”

My world went black, and I didn’t know if I’d ever see the light again.

—-

The next thing I knew, my eyes were slowly starting to flutter open. I looked around the room and realized that I was in a small hospital bed. I was back at the base.

I turned too quickly, and winced as I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. A bandage was wrapped around my shoulder, holding a pad in place to protect the wound from infection. I leaned back against the pillow, and looked to the door.

Bucky was leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed against his chest. Dark circles were forming under his eyes and his hair was a mess. A small smile pulled at his lips.

“You’re awake.”

“W-What happened?” I asked softly, and gestured toward the chair. He walked over and sat down, his eyes never leaving me.

“You were shot. Twice.” Bucky gulped, as if trying to compose himself. “You blacked out, but we were able to get you back in time to save your life. Both of the bullets are out, and now it’s only time that will help with recovery.”

“You look exhausted.” I said, as I took in his appearance.

“I couldn’t sleep knowing that your life was on the line.” My heart jumped slightly at his words, and I smiled softly as his hand touched mine. “It was my fucking fault.”

“No, it wasn’t.” I shake my head.

“Yes, it was. Or else you wouldn’t have walked away, right into HYDRA’s trap.”

“They would’ve been waiting there anyway.” I squeezed his hand gently, and kept my gaze locked with his. “There is nothing you could’ve done.”

He sighed shakily before looking back at me. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

“I forgive you…” I smile.

“I have a hard time with feelings, ever since… HYDRA.” Bucky looked away. “And I really like you. But I thought it would be better to push you away, out of harms way. Clearly that didn’t work.”

“Bucky…” I leaned closer, and touched my hand against his face. He looked up, his eyes sparkling with emotion. “You could have just told me. “

“I was doubtful you felt the same way.” He shrugged. “

But I do.” I let out a small laugh. “All this time, I thought you hated me.”

“Far from it, doll. “ Bucky smiled genuinly, before moving closer so our faces were inches apart. “From now on… I only want to do this together, not separate. But only if that’s what you want.”

“Of course…” I leaned in and kissed him gently. After a few moments, we pull away and lean our foreheads together. “Only ever together. “


	3. Just One Dance

Y/N’s POV

December 23rd, 1940

Somehow my friends persuaded me to go out dancing.

“Come on, Y/N. Get your head out of your book for one night.” Daisy groaned, as she leaned against my door frame, watching me dig into a copy of Alice in Wonderland that my dad had gotten me on one of his trips to England. 

“I have much more fun with ‘my head in my book’ than going out to a shady dance club.” I rolled my eyes as I turned the page. “You go out with the girls, and have fun for me.”

“Y/N.” She moved forward and snatched the book from my hands, forcing me to look up. “It’s almost Christmas. It’s time to have some fun. “

“Give it back, Daisy.” I whined, stretching to get it. She grinned and held it out of my reach. 

“After we go out.”

It was silent for a moment before I responded.

“I hate you.” 

She squealed in excitement. “Go pick out a cute dress. Glenn will be here in fifteen minutes to drive us down.”

“How has your boyfriend been?” I throw my book gently onto my bed before going to my closet to pick out an outfit. “Last I heard, he was off to college somewhere in California..”

“He was…” Daisy shrugged. “but his dad wants him to stay and run the family business.”

“Doesn’t a college degree help with that?” I frowned, as I pulled out two dresses, one red and the other blue. “Which one?”

“Red.” She nodded. “You would think. But his dad is pretty insistent he starts as soon as he can. Which is now, I suppose.”

I move into my bathroom, and change out of my day clothes and into my dress. It was one of my favorites, not that I wanted to admit it. It was one of the most expensive things I owned, and I felt extremely guilty that Daisy had offered to pay for it when I tried it on several months ago. It wasn’t that my family was in deep financial burden, but we couldn’t just throw away $200 for a dress. It was out of the question. But it wasn’t for Daisy’s family.

The dress was simply gorgeous. It was a brilliant red color, and went down to my knees. It was cut so my shoulders were exposed, and a black ribbon tied around the middle. I paired it with a pair of pear earrings my grandmother had given me for my 18th birthday, and a pair of 3 inch black heals, that I had purchased myself after several hours of babysitting. 

Five minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom. I pinned a few of my loose curls against my head with bobby pins, and applied a light red lipstick to my lips. Daisy smiled brilliantly as she looked at me. “Someone looks ready to party.”

“Shut up, before I change my mind and stay in bed for the rest of the night.”

A car horn sounded from the street. “That’s Glenn. Time to go.”

After a comfortable fifteen minutes of conversation with Glenn, we arrived at the club. I walk in with the two, and not even thirty seconds later, we are surrounded by our other friends, Alison, Linda, and Mary. We begin to talk as we find a seat in a corner of the club, but I feel eyes training on me. I turned to make eye contact with a pair of stunning blue ones. 

His brown hair was slightly ruffled, but not all entirely unattractive. His eyes were one of his most stunning features, but his jawline looked sharp enough to cut. He was wearing a pair of black pants, with a white shirt and suspenders on top. A black coat was hanging on the edge of his chair. He was dressed sharp… it drew me in. 

I blushed, and looked away quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him grin, and it made my heart skip a beat before I turned back to my friends. 

“Oh, I saw that Ms. Y/N.” Daisy smirked. “Checking out James Barnes, were you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I mumbled as my blush darkened and I took a sip of my wine. 

“I’m not gonna lie, he is certainly a stud.” She laughed, as she watched Glenn scowl. “But not as handsome as my loving boyfriend, of course.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He grumbled, and took a shot of vodka. 

“You should go talk to him, Y/N.” Mary nudged me. “It would do you some good.”

“No!” I shook my head as quickly as she spoke. “Nuh uh. No way.”

“Come on, Y/N. Losen up a bit.” Linda giggled. “He’s looking this way, by the way.” 

My eyes flashed over, and yet again, he was in fact looking over. He flashed another smile, and winked playfully. 

“Oh my God.”

“Do it. Or I will.” Alison smirked and started to get up. I reached across the table and grabbed her wrist. 

“Don’t.”

“Then for God’s sake, Y/N, go and talk to the man.” Daisy exclaimed. 

I sighed, and shook my head before rising from my seat with my purse over my shoulder. “I’m gonna regret this.”

“Go get him, Y/N!” The girls cheered as I started to walk way and I groaned silently as I made my way over to his table. He smiled as I came closer. 

“Is this seat taken?”

“It’s all yours, doll.”

I took a seat, and smiled. “What’s your name?”

“James Barnes. And what would this beautiful dame’s name be?” 

“Y/N Y/L/N.” I blushed as he took my hand and kissed it gently. “I noticed you were looking my way. Is there something wrong with my hair?”

“Quite the opposite, doll.” James took a sip of his beer. “You are absolutely stunning.”

A bolt of electricity ran through my veins and I bit my lip slightly at his words. 

“Oh really? Even with all these other dames in the room?”

“Even compared to all the other dames in the world, Ms. Y/N.” He winked. 

“Stop.” I let out a small giggle.

“Just telling the truth, love.” A new song began playing from the live band, and his eyes lit up. “Want to dance, doll?”

“I’m afraid I’ll only step all over your feet.” I let out a small laugh. 

“I don’t mind in the slightest, if that means I get to spend the night with you.”

“You are quite the flirt, aren’t you James Barnes?” I smiled as he got up from his seat. He offered me his hand. 

“Come on. It’s just one dance, unless you want more of course.”

“Alright.” I took his hand, and let him pull me onto the dance floor. I heard my friends cheering from behind me and I sighed. 

“Those your friends?”

“Yep.” I roll my eyes. “Supportive as always.”

“Well… since they persuaded you to come my way, I’d say they’re definitely supportive. Good group of friends you have there.” He wrapped his arms around my waist. I instinctively wrap mine around his neck. 

We swayed gently to the slow rhythm of the music, and I couldn’t tear my eyes from his. 

“You’re a much better dancer than you claim to be, doll.” His face moved closer to mine, and my breath fluttered as his lips came inches from my own. 

“Maybe I just hadn’t found the right partner to dance with.” My voice is almost a whisper as his arms tightened slightly around me. 

“Mm.” One of his hands moved to cup my face and I shivered slightly. “Can I kiss you doll?”

“Yes.” As soon as the word left my mouth, his lips brushed against mine. My body erupted in fireworks as our lips moved in synch and the end of the song was the only reason the kiss had to end. His lips pulled away and we both stood there in silence for a few moments. 

“Wow.” He let out a breathless laugh. “I think I just found my right partner.”

For the next few weeks, I went every Friday night to the dance club to meet Bucky. And every night… he swept me off my feet, either metaphorically or physically as he proved he could do on our fourth meeting. 

After that… he took me on a real date. That one date turned into a handful more, and one night… he proposed. 

We planned our wedding to happen as soon as he came home from his deployment to Europe. But as time passed from his expected return date, from days into weeks into months, and into years… I realized that there would be no wedding. As much sadness I was in, from my twenties until I died sixty years later, I could never regret going to the club all those years ago. 

Because even if it was interpreted as just a dance to some people…

it was the day that I met my true love. 

And I knew that neither of us would ever forget that one moment in time.


	4. I Thought I Lost You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is part of the "Affection" Series that I've posted on my Tumblr. I'll add more parts on later on! Enjoy! :)

He didn’t want me here. 

I didn’t care.

It wasn’t because Bucky thought I was weak, or that I wasn’t strong enough. He was scared that something would go wrong, something out of our control, and that I would get hurt… or worse, die. That was what he argued, anyway. But even if it was true, that wasn’t a good enough reason for me to stay behind. 

“This should be a fairly quick mission, if done properly.” Tony walked towards where the rest of us were seated in the plane, as we made our way closer to our destination. “Just remember: we need to get that flash drive off of Calahan, at whatever cost. “ His eyes turned to look at me. “Understand, Y/L/N?” 

He also didn’t want me here, but for different reasons. Tony was skeptical of me from the beginning, watching me carefully through my training and insisting that I was too young to be part of the team. Steve argued other wise, and ignored Tony’s arguments that I would be killed the moment I stepped onto the battle field. And yet, three missions later, I was still alive. 

Screw you, Tony Stark. 

“Yes.” I nod, trying to ignore the urge to add my own snippy comment.   
“Good. Don’t fuck this up.” 

I gritted my teeth as he turned and walked towards the cockpit. “What a dick.”

“He’s only trying to look out for you.” Bucky’s voice commented beside me, and I rolled my eyes as I adjusted my parachute on my back. 

“No. He doesn’t think I’m good enough.” I reloaded my guns before putting them into the holsters attached to my thighs and my knives into my belt. “But I’ve been on missions before. Am I dead yet?”

“They weren’t as high risk as this one is.” Bucky argued as he loaded his weapons. His eyes focused on me as the pilots announced five minutes till arrival. “It isn’t safe.”

“This job isn’t safe, Buck.” I gave him a cold look. “I didn’t sign up to be babied or put on the side lines. I’m all in. My job is to save people, and I’d put my life on the line if I had to.”

“But you don’t have to.” Bucky’s voice was almost pleading as he took a step closer to me, and cupped my face in his hands. “You can safe people in some other way… back home.” 

He leaned in closer, his forehead leaning against mine as his eyes shut. I stayed still in silence for a moment before pulling away and looking at him.   
“You don’t think I can do this.” I shake my head as I take a step back from him. “You’re just like Tony. I’m not a fucking little girl! I’ve trained hard, and I can do this!” 

“Y/N-“ He reached out to grab my wrist and I move another step back. 

“Put on your oxygen masks and get ready to jump.” Tony ordered as his mask covered his face. I reached down to my pack and put on my mask, my eyes never leaving Bucky’s. 

“I’m going to prove both of you wrong.” My throat grew tight as I held back tears that desperately wanted to escape. “I’m going to get that flash drive… and then you’ll see.” 

The door opened, and I turned on my com as I looked out into the dark sky, scattered with fluffy clouds. “Time to fly.” 

And without a second thought, I ran down the edge of the door and jumped off, beginning my decent to what would be the proof that I needed to make Bucky believe I was strong enough.  
—-  
Bucky’s POV  
As soon as we hit the ground, we split into groups to infiltrate the compound. I was paired with Sam and Steve, and we slowly began to make our way to the wall. “Trouble in paradise, Soldier?” Sam commented with a small chuckle as I watched Y/N walk away without giving me so much as a second glance. 

“Shut up.” I gritted my teeth, my grip on my gun tightening slightly. 

“I have never seen her that-“

“Whatever relationship problems they’re having can wait until later.” Steve interrupted abruptly, turning to look at the two squabbling men over his shoulder. “We have a mission to accomplish. Let’s go.”

After taking down a few guards, we were able to make our way over the wall and into the compound. 

“Nat, what’s your position?” Steve called into the com. 

“We’re in. We’re making our way to the south end of the compound. “

“Good.” 

“Y/N?” I asked hesitantly. It went silent for a moment before a response was heard. 

“I’m fine.” She replied quietly, and I mentally cursed myself for our conversation on the plane. She was upset, and I knew that she wouldn’t be in her best condition if she was feeling that way. I did believe in her, and maybe that was the problem. Tony could tell how much I was excited by her progress, mixed with our own relationship, and he decided to be a dick just to enact some sort of revenge about the deaths of his parents. I only wanted her safe, and the only way I knew how was to keep her out of this. But I should’ve known better. It only drove her away from me, and closer to harms way. 

“Radio in when you find the drive. We’ll take care of Calahan.” Steve replied, before we started to make our way to one of the buildings, a five story structure with glass windows. “Let’s go.”

I took out my gun and we made our way inside. After several minutes of violent struggle between ourselves and the security inside, we made our way up to the office of the madman himself, Tyler Calahan, who’s plans to destroy the population of New York, soon to be followed by other cities around the world, with a poisons gas were safely tucked into a flash drive that we so desperately needed.

I kicked down the door forcefully, and a few moments later, we walked into his office. A middle aged man in a black suit sat at his table, a small smirk playing at the corners of his lips. 

“Quite impressive, boys.” He chuckled, as he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head. “You got through all of my security and straight to me. You win.”

“You seem awfully proud for a man who’s about to be taken to prison.” I growled, and moved closer, my gun aimed at his head. 

“Well… I suppose I am.” Calahan sighed and glanced at me. “But you never thought about what other surprises lay ahead for your friends.” He pulled out a slim black drive, and he smirked. “I leaked the intel for you to find, and I saw you enter the facility. I could spare the few lives you managed to destroy. Your friends are headed to the south side of the area, where I lay a few surprises for them.” 

He picked up a remote and clicked a button, turning on a screen a few feet away from us. It was an inside view of one of the buildings, where several hundred pounds of explosives lay inside, all connected to a silver screen that was currently off.

My eyes flickered back to Calahan. “One push on this remote, and they’re gone.” The screen switched to show a camera view of the others, Nat, Tony, Wanda, and Y/N. My heart almost dropped to the pit of my stomach as I saw how close they were to the explosives. 

“No…” I whispered softly, before I looked back at him. “Please…”  
“But it’d be so much fun.” His thumb moved to the button and I felt myself become lightheaded. A second later, the room became an explosion of bullets. I watched as one of Sam’s bullet’s strike Calahan in the middle of the forehead, and a burst of scarlet covered his face. But his thumb hit the button before the bullet hit him. The building began to shake as a loud boom erupted from only hundreds of feet away. 

“No!” I turned and ran down the stairs, ignoring Sam and Steve’s calls to wait. I bolted across the facility, shooting down any one who stood in my way. In only seconds, I found what I had heard only seconds before. 

The building was in flames, pieces of it crumbling and falling to the ground with a dull thud. “No.” The word was choked out as I fell onto my knees, my body shaking as I watched the building burn away. Tears fell down my face as I realized that she was gone… dead… just as I had feared. And I couldn’t save her. I ran my hands through my hair messily, as I felt myself start to lose control of myself. But suddenly… a voice caught my attention. 

“Bucky!” 

“No…” I shake my head. “It’s just my imagination.”

“Bucky! What’re you doing?!” A hand grasped my arm and I whirled around to see her, Y/N, the love of my life. 

“Y-You’re alive.” I gasped out as I tried to control my tears. 

“We were able to get out of the way in time.” Y/N kneeled in front of me, cupping my face in her hands as she looked me in the eyes. “We’re all okay.”  
“Oh God.” A moment later, our lips are slammed together, and I felt the breath almost get knocked out of me with the force of the kiss. Her hands gripped tightly to the back of my shirt, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, pulling her close as if preventing her from leaving again. Her hands moved to cup my face, and I felt myself cry, but this time only in relief, as her fingers brushed away my tears. The fire continued to crackled in front of us but I didn’t care. It was as if the whole world had disappeared. “I thought I lost you.” I murmured against her lips before I pulled away to lean my forehead against hers. “I thought you were gone.”

“I know…” She whispered softly. “But I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re both alive. And that’s all that matters right now.”

“I love you.” I smiled softly before kissing her once again, knowing that I could die now, and say that I lived… truly lived.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This one is semi inspired by how I'm kinda feeling about college rn. It's been a bit rough, with finding new friends, and figuring out how I belong here amongst these super smart students. I just feel drained. But I'm hoping it gets better. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

P.S. I'm sorry if this is total crap.

—-

Y/N's POV

I wasn't what you would call a "typical Avenger". In fact, I was surprised that I was even on the team.

I didn't have millions of dollars and a fancy suit like Tony Stark.

I wasn't injected with a serum that made me stronger, like Steve.

And I didn't have a metal arm like my boyfriend, Bucky.

I was everything they weren't. Purely the opposite.

So how the hell did I end up here?

I sat at the conference table, watching as Tony explained the upcoming mission in vivid detail. All eyes were locked on him. This was going to be important.

I was ready for it. I was new, but I thought I was prepared enough. I had spent months in training to get where I was now, struggling through grueling hours of workouts with my trainer and training sessions to be where I was now, an Avenger. I deserved it, or at least that's what Bucky told me.

A few hours later... we completed our job. It was in a fairly public setting, and in less than ten minutes, almost every news station had crowded the streets to see the famous Avengers.

I had braced myself for the swarm, but they had walked straight passed me to Bucky, who was trying to find me. Many more made their way to Tony and the others.

I was almost relieved that I was avoided, but a sharp pang of hurt struck my chest as I was put to the side and the A-List superhero friends of mine were recognized for everyone to see.

Shaking my head, I turned to leave. Who would care? Everyone was occupied with their interviews, and I'd see them back at the tower. It didn't matter if I was there. I had already done my job.

I heard voices calling my name, but I didn't look back as I back to walk back towards the building I called home, with a slight limp from a nasty cut I had received earlier.

I would push past the pain, just like I had done for the past few weeks while on this team.

Eventually... I made it back. I took a shower, bandaged and treated my wound, and found myself lying in my bed.

I unlocked my phone and saw a news story about the Avengers and suddenly, my cut didn't seem to hurt so much as the weight of sadness fell onto me heavily.

The front picture was a still shot of all of them together, all smiling and looking confident. Even Bucky looked like he was where he belonged, despite his past and shiny metal arm.

I didn't bother to read the article. I turned off my phone and groaned in frustration as tears began to well in my eyes.

A sharp knock on my door caused me to grow still. "Who is it?"

"It's Bucky. Can I come in?" 

"Sure." I sat up in bed as the door opened. He was still dressed in his uniform as he walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern as his blue eyes focused on me. A small trail of blood was trickling from a cut on his cheek. 

"Are you doing okay, doll?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I gave him my best attempt at a fake smile, but I could tell he wasn't buying it. 

"Don't do that." Bucky shakes his head, his eyes darkening slightly. "Don't hide away from me. What's going on?"

"Everything is fine, Bucky. You don't have to worry about me." I climbed out of bed and walked towards the bathroom, hiding the tears that had slipped out and were falling down my cheeks. I stood in front of the mirror and gazed at my reflection. 

My hair was a uncontrollable mess, and my eyes were starting to become red with the tears that I had tried to hold back, unsuccessfully. My gaze turned to the left, and I could see Bucky walking up behind me slowly.

"I'm your boyfriend. Of course I do." Both of his arms wrapped around my waist, and I let out a shaky breath as his lips brushed against my cheek. "What has you so upset doll? Beyond just today. You've seemed off for the past few weeks."

I sniffed, before I looked at my reflection again. "I don't belong here."

"Y/N-"

"I know, you told me I deserve to be here, and that everyone likes me." I desperately try to wipe away the tears as fast as they appear. "But Bucky, I'm not like you. I don't have billions of dollars or super soldier serum. I'm not trained extensively like Natasha. I don't have any of that. So it's no wonder that I'm not stopped by the TV stations for an interview or that no little kids say that they want to be like me one day. I'm just... not enough." 

"Not enough?" Bucky's voice cracked with emotion, and sounded astounded at my words. 

"I tried for several months to be as great as you." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against his shoulder. "But it's just not... just not possible." 

I was turned around in his arms to face him, and I let out a small shaky breath as his lips touched my forehead. "Open your eyes, doll."

Hesitantly, I opened them and they met with his. They were filled with sadness and confusion, and I couldn't understand. I thought he'd agree with me.

"Y/N... you are beyond enough. From the first day you came here till now, right here in this bedroom, you've been my inspiration to keep going, to look past what I've done and be the person that I've wanted to do. You made me feel like I belong. I wish I had known that you didn't feel the same about yourself." His eyes watered with tears. "But I can tell you this... if you left, everyone would be devastated... Steve, Wanda, everyone... but especially me. You belong here, Y/N. You may not have those things that you listed, but you are extraordinarily strong, beautiful, and amazing. Please don't go." 

Tears began to stream down my face, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. His arms tightened gently around my waist as his lips repeated the three words that broke my heart. "Please don't go."

"I won't..." I whispered, before pulling away and kissing him softly. "I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

Inspired by 7 Years by Lukas Graham

 

**_.Once I was seven years old..._ **

**_my momma told me Go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely._ **

 

Kids ran past me in multiple direction, already friends in the first five minutes that school had been in session. I, however, was standing in the shaded area of benches, my grip tight on my lunch pale in my hands. This was all new. I was terrified.

A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped slightly as I turned to see a friendly boy standing behind me. A smile lit up his face, and his brown hair was cut short. “Why are you all be yourself?”

“I don’t know anyone.” I shrugged after a moment of hesitation. “They all have their friends.”

“It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with them.” He let out a small laugh. “We all just got here.”

“I don’t know... “ My grip tightened slightly around the handle of my lunchbox. “It’s hard for me to make new friends.”

“Well... you have me.” His blue eyes twinkled. “My name’s James, but you can call me Bucky if you want.”

“Why ‘Bucky’?” I let out a small giggle, and his smile grew on his face at the sound. “My middle name is Buchanan. My friend Steve thought it worked, so I’ve stuck with it.”

“I like it. Bucky...” I nod, before responding with my own name. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

“No nicknames?”

“Just Y/N for me.”

“Well, Just Y/N... I think we’re gonna be best friends.” He smiled before tapping my shoulder and running the opposite direction. “But you’re it!”

I laughed and put my lunch box down before chasing after him. Now... I was one of those kids.

 

_**Once I was twenty years old, my story got told.** _

_**Before the morning sun, when life was lonely** _

 

“Happy Birthday to You!”

I laughed as Bucky and Steve finished singing, slightly off key, the tune of ‘Happy Birthday’. I leaned in and blew out the candles on the cake. “Thanks for that, boys.”

“We could not forget our favorite girls birthday.” Steve smiled as he started to cut the small cake into slices. “Especially her twenty fourth birthday.”

“Stop it. I feel old.” I smacked him playfully on the arm. “I pretend that last year was my 20th. It makes me feel younger.”

“You’re not that old, doll.” Bucky chuckled, as he sat down next to me at the table. “At least you’re younger than me.”

“True.” I smiled before leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips. The sound of gagging from Steve forced me to pull away and laugh. “Come on, Stevie, it’s my birthday.”

“Save it for _after_ I leave. Good lord!”

“Eat your damn cake, Rogers.” Bucky chuckled as he wrapped his arm around me to pull my chair closer to his and began to eat his cake.

The next few hours were calm, but pleasant. We drank and ate more cake and laughed at the stories of the past that we shared. But there was something that was off about Bucky. I could sense it every time he laughed. The laughter never reached his eyes.

Eventually, Steve left and wished us goodnight. I shut and locked the door before turning to look at my boyfriend of two years. His eyes flickered up to mine, and sadness reflected off of them. “I have something I need to tell you, doll.”

I frowned and walked back to where he was sitting. He pulled out a paper and handed it to me. My eyes scanned down the paper, and immediately, my world came to a stop. The happiness in the room evaporated and my heart began to shatter. The tears began to pool in my eyes as I looked at him. “When do you leave?”

“The end of the week.” His voice, normally strong and happy, was now broken and sad.

“It’s Wednesday. Why the hell would you wait to tell me now?” My voice broke part way through the sentence, but I didn’t care.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” Bucky ran a hand through his hair.

“So you waited until my birthday?!” My chest ached with anger and hurt as I stood up. “You thought that was appropriate? My ultimate birthday gift... finding out my boyfriend is going to war?!”

“I didn’t know how to handle it!” He stood up, and his voice and gaze reflected desperation. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

I just stared at him for a moment before I dropped the letter. A moment later, my body followed with it, collapsing in a puddle of tears. Before it could hit the floor, Bucky’s arms wrapped tightly around my waist and pulled me close to him. I buried my face in his chest as the tears leaked down my face. “You better fucking come back to me, Barnes. You hear me?”

“I do.” His voice was a broken whisper as his lips brushed against my head, before moving to touch mine. “I promise I’ll come back. I always have and I always will. “

 

_**Remember life and then your life becomes a better one.** _

_**I made a man so happy when I wrote a letter once.** _

 

I wrote to him plenty. If I couldn’t talk to him face to face, I needed some way to stay connected with the man I had fallen in love with since the day we met on the playground.

At first, his responses were frequent. He told me stories about his friends and his experiences along Steve’s side

. But then... they disappeared altogether.

Until one morning... I received a letter stating that he was gone. Dead, now non-existent in my life.

I didn’t leave my room for a week. I barely ate, and all I did was cry myself to the point of exhaustion and drift into a restless sleep. Eventually, it felt better. I managed to pull myself up and go to work.

But then life itself became a routinely chore that I was forced to do. Still, I persisted, and I kept living the life that Bucky wanted for me.

But I knew that none of it would be enough if I didn’t have Bucky with me by my side. Ever.

 

_**Once I was seven years old, momma told me** _

_**Go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely** _

 

Bucky’s throat tightened as he walked up to the nursing home, with Steve at his side. “She’s in there?”

“She is.”Steve glanced at him. “ She turned 100 last week. “

“Jesus...” Bucky smiled and shook his head. “She’s a fighter, that one. Have you spoken to her yet?”

“I did.” Steve looked away. “It took her awhile to remember who I was. Her memory is starting to fade away.”

Bucky’s heart dropped at his words. “Do you think she’ll remember me?”

“I’m sure she will, Buck.” Steve clapped his hand on his shoulder before opening the door. “Let’s go inside.”

After climbing a flight of stairs and walking down a long hall way, the two men finally reached her room. The door creaked open and Bucky finally glanced inside.

A fragile, old woman lay on a bed against the wall, propped up by pillows. Her face was adorned with wrinkles and her hair was a stark white, but it was the Y/N that he had fallen in love with. With hesitant footsteps, Bucky approached the bed.

“Y/N?”

Her eyes turned to focus on his face, and they lit up. “B-Bucky?”

“You remember me?” Surprise was present in his expression.

“How could I forget?” A small chuckle escaped her lips followed by a ragged cough. “I’ve been waiting for you to come home for over seventy years. But you don’t look like you’ve changed a bit.”

“That’s a story for another time.” Bucky took one of her fragile hands in his, and she smiled sadly.

“Who knows if there will be another time? I’m fucking one hundred years old.”

“Well, it’s good to know you still have your spunk.” Steve chuckled from the side of the room. “Remember me from last time?”

“I do.” Y/N nods. “Steve Rogers. I think last time you were hear, I had just had my pain meds. Makes me a little woozy.”

“There’ll be a next time.” Bucky squeezed her hand gently. “I just came back to you. There’s a lot to catch up on, from the past seventy years.”

“I wish that was the case...” Y/N sighed softly. “But the doctors told me I had only a few weeks left to live, at best. I’m afraid our reunion will be cut short.”

Bucky’s heart broke at her words and he glanced at Steve. He nodded solomnly before mouthing the word ‘cancer’.

“It’s so unfair.” He blinked away tears pooling in his eyes and he looked down. Her hand moved to his face and he looked up.

“I guess we have bad timing.”

“You dying is not a joke.”

“I know. But it’s better than mourning about lost time and what we won’t have.” Y/N smiled and patted his cheek gently. “I’m glad I got to see you again. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” He took her hand and kissed it gently. “I will miss you.”

“I know.” She smiled. “But you still have a long life waiting for you. Take it. Make the most out of it. I’ll see you again, one day.”

The door shut quietly and Bucky turned to see that Steve had left the room.

“It won't be the same without you.” He replied weakly.

“Life wasn’t the same without you either.” Y/N held his hand again. “There were some moments where I even considered whether or not I wanted to live. But I made it through. And so will you.”

“I will.” Bucky nods, as a tear slide down his cheek.

“But let’s not be sad.” She patted the empty space next to her. “I want to remember the 1900s again.”

For the next hour, they both began to retell the stories of their times together, and how happy they were. But as the time went on, Y/N began to grow more tired and she leaned her head against Bucky’s shoulder.

“I remember the day... I met you.” She mumbled softly, but loud enough for him to hear. “First day of school, all of the kids had friends, except for m-me. And then you found me. “

“It was the best day of my life.” Bucky said softly, as he knew the life was ebbing out of her old body.

“It was for me too.” She let out a soft chuckle before tapping his shoulder gently. “You’re it.”

“We don’t want to start that again, now do we?” It was silent, and Bucky froze before he realized that she was gone. He closed his eyes as his tears pooled underneath his eyelids. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head gently. “I love you.”

 

_**Once I was seven years old...** _


	8. Rest and Heal

A/N: the relationship between Y/N and Bucky in the beginning is kinda like frenemies. just so you have an idea. :) 

WARNINGS: Angsty, but fluffy at the end

“Ouch! Will you stop that?”

“If you’d stop moving while I treat the wound, then it wouldn’t hurt as much!” 

“It’s not that bad.” Bucky grumbled from his place on the bed, wincing slightly as I applied more ointment to the area around the stitches the doctor had secured in place. 

“You were shot clean through the shoulder, Bucky.” I gave him a dirty look as I screwed on the lid and grabbing the roll of bandages off the edge of the table. “I’d say it’s about as bad as it comes.”

“I’ve been through worse.” He glared up at me. “I don’t need you babying over me like it’s life or death.”

“Just shut up, Bucky.” I grit my teeth as I start to unravel the roll. 

“Come on, doll. I’ve taken bullets before. It’s not like this any different than before. Why would you care if I died anyway?” Bucky snapped, venom leaking into his voice. 

My movements froze and I just stared at him. I shook my head slowly before beginning to speak. “I’ve seen way too many people die, Buck. But you wouldn’t know, would you?”

My voice cracked, but I didn’t care. The anger slowly started to fade from his eyes and he opened his mouth to speak but I shook my head. 

“I watched them shoot you, and I watched you drop to the ground. God, Barnes, you might annoy the hell out of me sometimes, but I was fucking terrified that you were gone. I-” My voice hitched in my throat as I felt tears began to pool in my eyes. I looked away quickly, but felt a cool hand touch mine. I turned to look in his eyes again. “I can’t lose anyone else who I care about, Bucky. I can’t. It’s just not fair…” 

“I know…” He started to sit up, wincing, but didn’t stop when I urged him to lay back. His metal hand slid up my neck to cup my cheek as his soft blue eyes focused on mine. “I’m so sorry for being such a dick to you. Now, and all the other times before. I actually really like you. I just didn’t want to pull you into everything that my life entailed, with HYDRA and everything. But I never got to hear your story.”

I leaned my face against his hand at his touch, and smiled softly as I moved my hand to cover his. “I forgive you… on one promise.”

“What’s that, doll?” He gave me his signature smile, the one that made my heart skip a few beats. 

“You’ll rest and heal… and let me be your personal nurse until you’re better.” A genuine smile spread across my lips as I looked at him. 

“Of course.” His hand moved to catch mine and bringing it to his lips. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A faint blush dusted my cheeks as he kissed my hand, and the small school girl crush I had on him started to grow even more. 

“Alright. Well, let’s bandage you up. if you’re a good patient, I’ll give you a surprise at the end.” I pulled away to grab the bandages.

“And what will that be, nurse?” Bucky smiled. 

I leaned in close so my lips were by his ear. “If you behave, I might give you a kiss.” Small goosebumps formed on his neck and I giggled softly as I pulled back to start bandaging the wound. “Now, Mr. Barnes, you’ll need to have at least a good week or two of bed rest before you start to go back to work. Understand?”

“Yes, m’am.” Bucky replied, a smirk in his voice and I smiled as I wrapped the bandage around his shoulder and arm area. 

This was going to be a fun few days.

—

A/N: Good? Not really? Let me know!! :) Constructive criticism and comments about what you enjoyed is greatly appreciated!


	9. Protect Her

Tumblr Request:

Reader, Bucky & Steve get captured by HYDRA. Steve treats the reader like his little sister because she’s dating his best friend. So when HYDRA transforms Bucky into the Winter Soldier, Steve protects her. Bucky snaps out of it when one of HYDRA tries to hurt her, and then fluff ensues once they’re back home.

A/N: Also, I watched the opening scene from Civil War to remember how the whole exchange with Bucky and that soldier went down. I didn’t realize how someone speaking Russian could be so damn hot. XD I’m sorry… I’ll stop now… Enjoy.  
P.S. Requests are open here as well! Send them in! :))

—–

My eyes flashed open, a cold sweat incasing my body as my breathing began to grow heavy. I winced slightly as a pounding ache became obvious in my head, and a small groan of pain escaped my lips. I tried to move my hands, but they were tied down onto the table I was laying on. 

Where the hell was I?

“Y/N?” 

I turned my head to the left to see Steve laying on a separate table in the dimly lit room. His helmet was off, his blonde hair ruffled from the mission we had been fighting in so hard only hours earlier and a thin stream of blood flowing from his nose. 

“I’m here.” I turned my head to look to my right, assuming I’d see Bucky right next to me, but I was greeted with an empty space. “Where’s Buck?”

“I saw HYDRA take him somewhere separate after they got you.” He grunted, as he attempted to break free from his restraints. 

“They have him again…” I sighed softly, and closed my eyes. “Fuck. I promised him they wouldn’t get him again. I promised him…”

“Don’t do that.” The rustling stopped, and I opened my eyes to see him looking at me. “This is not your fault. You hear me?”

“I wasn’t there when he needed me.” Tears pooled in my eyes and soon, they began to fall down my cheeks. “God… I can’t believe this.” 

“We all signed up for this job, knowing the risks that came with it.” Steve’s voice softened before he continued. “He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.” 

Before I could respond, lights in the room flashed on, causing me to wince as a new voice began to speak.

“But I think it’s fair to say she’s partly to blame, don’t you think?”

The tables tilted, so it was almost as if we were standing, and my eyes focused on a short man in a lab coat. His glasses were pushed up the bridge of his nose and a snarky smirk spread across his thin lips. “You weren’t able to save your… lover from us, no matter how much you tried.” 

I gritted my teeth as I looked at the man. “Go to hell.”

“Certainly… but not after I have a little fun first.” He snaps his fingers, and a door from the side of the room opens. Two men thrust a third man through the door who’s face was covered by a cloth bag, ignoring his struggles and pulling him through into the center of the room. The bag was removed and my heart broke when my eyes fell onto my defeated boyfriend. 

His eyes were dull and his lip was bleeding from a cut on his lower lip. Bucky’s hair was rustled and his overall demeanor was the exact opposite of what I was used to. And even more… his identity was stripped from him again.

Instead of his clothing from before, he was back in his uniform from his time as the Winter Soldier. His metal arm was on full display, the red star almost glowing in the light of the room. The same black jacket, with a multitude of straps and buckles, along with an assortment of weapons on his belt adorned his figure.

But the most heartbreaking of all… was the muzzle on his face. 

His blue eyes were gleaming with fury as he tried to pull away from the men holding him still. A sharp punch from one of the men forced him onto his knees, and he let out a small groan. But his eyes made their way to mine, and they softened softly. 

“I’m sorry…” I croaked, a lump growing in my throat as I took in his appearance. He started to shake his head slowly, but the doctor forced him to look at him. 

“It’s good to have you back, Soldat.” He chuckled as he stared down at Bucky. “The uniform still suits you.”

“You can put me in the same fucking uniform…” My boyfriend’s voice was slightly muffled. “But I will never kill for you again.” 

“Never say never.” A sob escaped my lips as I saw the doctor pull out the familiar red journal, knowing what lay within those thin pages. 

“No…” Bucky shook his head and tried to pull away, but the men aimed their weapons at his head. “No, you can’t do this.”

“You’ve forgotten that we own you, Mr. Barnes.” The man chuckled and tucked the notebook back in his pocket for the moment being, and knelt in front of my boyfriend. “If it weren’t for us… you would’ve died in the 40s, and then you would’ve never met your pretty little girlfriend over there.” 

“Let him go!” My voice was hoarse from my tears and desperation, and all eyes landed on me. “You’ve hurt him long enough. Doesn’t he deserve his own happiness?” 

“Not when he owes us his very life, sweetheart.” The man walked back over and gave me a seductive smile, his hand moving to stroke my cheek. I winced and pulled away. “But we might keep you around… for our own amusement, of course.”

“The Avengers will find you.” Steve spoke up, and I turned to look at him. His eyes, normally calm, were filled with his own rage and his hands were clenched tightly into fists. 

“Maybe one day…” The Doctor sighed and walked away, his hands behind his back. “But not for a long time.” 

The doors from which Bucky entered opened and the man walked right through them. He gestured for the guards to follow, leaving Bucky kneeling on the floor. “Enjoy your happiness for now… it won’t last very long.” 

The door slammed shut, and the lights faded to a dim glow. In seconds, Bucky rushed to my side, and pulled the restraints off my arms. I threw my arms around his neck quickly, as the tears leaked down my face and onto his uniform. “I’m so so sorry.”

“It is not your fault, doll.” His voice murmured into my hair, reassuring me softly as he rocked me gently in his arms. “Not at all.” 

“Do you mind helping an old pal out?” A voice interrupted our reunion and I couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners my lips as we pulled apart. 

“Of course not.” Bucky went over and released Steve in a matter of seconds. 

Before any of us could say a word, a loud speaker began to erupt our peace. 

“You may have ran before, Soldat…” the doctor chuckled. “But you never will again! желаниe (Longing)!” 

A loud groan escaped Bucky’s lips as he fell onto his knees, his hands moving to grasp his throbbing head. 

“No!” I yelled, looking up into one of the cameras in the room. “Don’t do this to him!”

“pжавый! (Rusted!)”

His hands scrambled to his face, and yanked off the muzzle. Loud pants escaped his lips as his body began to tremble. I knelt down in front of him and cupped his face. He looked up at me, his eyes watery with tears of pain and frustration. “Doll, you need to get the hell away from me.”

“I am with you, till the end of the line! I told you, so many damn times.” My face crumpled as the next word blasted from the speakers. 

“семнадцать! (Seventeen)” 

“No!” A broken yell escaped his lips as his metal hand slammed into the ground, creating a dent deep in the cement. 

“Y/N…” Steve moved to grab my arm, but I pulled away from his touch as I moved closer to Bucky. 

“Stay with me…” My bottom lip trembled as I stared down at the love of my life, writhing in my pain as each second past. I leaned in and kissed him softly. “Don’t you dare let them take you.” 

“рассвет! (Daybreak)”

More words were read, until there was only one left. 

“Y/N… you need to go.” Bucky’s voice was filled with pain and tears as he looked at me. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Fight them! Don’t let those words control you!” my voice had turned into sobs. “Don’t go.” 

“Steve…” Bucky gasped out as another wave of pain hit him. “Protect her… at whatever the cost. Promise me!”

“I promise.” Steve’s voice was heavy with pain, but he nodded. 

“Go!” Bucky kissed me once more before gently pushing me away. “Get as far as you can away from me!”

Steve grabbed my hand and pulled me up, and I let him. None of the doors opened, despite all of our efforts, so Steve moved us to a far corner in the room, standing in front of me protectively. 

“грузовой вагон (freight car)!”

Bucky’s cries of pain were cut off abruptly and we were left in a deadly tense silence as our eyes focussed on him. Steve’s muscles tightened as Bucky stood up. 

“добрый утренний солдат (good morning, soldier)” The doctor’s voice was thick with amusement.

“готовы соблюдать (ready to comply)” The soldier’s voice was now monotone, no longer the man who I had come to fall in love with other the past few months. My heart shattered into a million pieces. 

“Kill them.” 

My breathing hitched in my throat as he walked towards us and Steve shook his head before lunging forward to attack the Winter Soldier first. 

I let out a sharp gasp as his metal fist connected with Steve’s face and knock him to the floor. His sharp blue eyes focused on me and he stalked towards me. Before he could reach me, Steve tackled him onto the floor. After several minutes of fighting, the doors opened and another HYDRA agent stalked inside, dead set on me. I gulped before dodging his attempt to swing at me, and sliding under his legs. I jumped, and wrapped my legs around his neck, starting to choke him. 

My eyes landed on Steve and the Soldier for a moment, and the man I was fighting used it to his advantage. He slammed back into the wall, causing my head to crash harshly against the hard surface. I cried out, and fell backwards onto the ground. A hand wrapped around my throat and pulled me up before slamming me into the wall. 

The breath started to seep from my lungs and I began to gasp for air. The blood in my veins started to get cold, and began to paw at the mans hand. My eyes focused on Bucky and Steve… watching them fight. But then they paused…

“You will both die alone.” The man chuckled. 

“N-No, we won’t.” I spluttered before kicking him bellow the belt. He let out a yelp before releasing his grip. I knelt gasping for air as he rolled on the ground, grasping his crotch. But only moments later, a hard kick landed between my shoulder blades, and I was vulnerable once again. 

“Your boyfriend is gone…” The man chuckled, moving his foot to my arm and stomping hard. A sharp snap filled my ears and I cried out. “And you will be too.” 

My head was spinning and tears blurred my vision as I lay my head on the cold ground. A dark figure began to run towards me, and I sniffled before whimpering out. “Bucky…” My world went black, and I didn’t know when I would ever see the light again. 

—  
My eyelids fluttered open slowly, and I looked around me.

I was home.

I was in my shared bed, the covers tucked gently around me, and an ice pack against my head. I glanced down to see a cast wrapped gently around my arm, the memories from earlier flooding my head. I let out a soft groan as I bumped my head against the back board as I sat up. Something stirred beside me, and I turned to see Bucky opening his eyes. they widened as he sat up himself. 

“Are you okay??? Did you hurt your head?” Bucky’s voice was anxious as he continued speaking. “I’ll get a new ice pack.”

“No.” I grabbed his hand gently, and he froze. “I only need you.” 

“Even when I’m the reason you’re hurt?” His voice was broken, and my heart shattered. 

“You are not the damn reason I’m hurt.” I interlaced our fingers and he smiled slightly. “HYDRA’s the reason Im’ hurt. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I am too.” Bucky swallowed gently. “I saw him hurting you. Something inside me broke past whatever control HYDRA had over me, and I was myself again. I couldn’t let anyone hurt you like that.”

“What did you do to him?” I asked softly. 

“He’s gone.” Bucky moved to kiss my hand gently. “Off to jail, but he’s got several broken bones.” 

“Mm.” I smiled up at him. “Can I tell you something?”

“Go ahead, doll.”

“I thought I was in heaven when I woke up.” I giggled, and he chuckled softly. 

“Why?”

“This all seemed so… perfect.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t think we’d get out of there.”

“We did it, Y/N/N.” Bucky smiled. “And we’re never going back. Never ever.”

—

A/N: Crappy ending, but hey? What can I say? XD


	11. Chapter 11

Y/N’s POV

One of the first things the former HYDRA agent asked once he kidnapped me was if I regretted affiliating myself with Bucky Barnes. Had I not known him, I would’ve avoided all this pain and suffering on myself. Or at least, that’s what he told me. 

I could not bring myself to say that I did. How could I? The man loved me unconditionally, throughout all of the ups and downs and in-betweens. Not everything had been perfect, but it was enough for me. And I prayed that it had been for him. 

The agent’s fingers dug into the skin of my arm as he yanked me down the hall and to a room. He opened the door and threw me inside. I let out a loud grunt as I hit the cold floor. 

“I’ll give you sometime to… cool off. I’ll be back in a while and see if you’ll cooperate and answer my questions.”

“He won’t come.” A sharp chill ran down my spine as a gust of wind entered through the open window in the room. “Bucky knows better.”

A small chuckle left the man’s lips. 

“We’ll see, doll.” I winced in disgust at the use of the nickname that I had only been used to Bucky calling me. “Well… enjoy your rest. I’m sorry if it’s a bit chilly in here. The last person who stayed loved the cold weather.” 

With that, the door slammed shut and I was left alone in the darkness. 

Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. The weather only became worse. 

My body began to tremble harshly as I curled myself up into a ball, protected only by my thin layer of clothing. I closed my eyes as I felt tears pool in them at the thought of my boyfriend. 

God… I hoped he was okay.

—

Bucky’s POV

When I returned from a jog with Steve, we had found the tower in almost absolute chaos. Lamps were shattered on the ground, chairs displaced… everything. My heart dropped as I began to walk towards my room. “Bucky…”

I walked down the halls and began to call out her name. With each response of deafening silence, my panic grew worse. I opened the doors, only to find an empty space. I finally made it to our room, and walked inside.

An envelope sat in the middle of the bed and I walked over to pick it up. After opening it, I pulled out a letter and a Polaroid picture. 

 

Glad to hear you’re alive and well, Soldat. 

If you want the same for your girlfriend here, pack your bags and come to Siberia. You know where to go from there. ;) 

In case that wasn’t motivation enough, take a look at the picture I took before we left. I promise you she won’t last long locked up in a room without any blankets. 

-Your Favorite HYDRA Agent

 

My hands began to tremble as I put the letter down and pulled out the Polaroid. It showed Y/N laying on the ground, nearly unconscious. A bruise was forming around her left eye and a thin stream of blood trialed from her nose. One of the bastard’s hands was around her throat, cutting off her air supply. 

“Did you find anything?” Steve’s voice grew louder as he walked into the room. I turned around and shoved the letter and photos into his chest before stalking out of the room. “Wait… where are you going?”

“We… are going to Siberia. Gear up, Cap. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”

—

Y/N’s POV

After hours of laying on the cold floor, as my energy seeped from my exhausted body, bright lights flashed on and I let out a small cry of protest. 

The doors opened and a figure was standing above me. “It’s time to answer some questions, princess.”

“I-I have n-nothing to s-say t-to you.” I stuttered as more shivers racked my body. 

“Feeling cold, are you?” The agent laughed, before grabbing me by the collar of my shirt and yanking me to my feet. “I don’t care. “ He slammed me into the wall and wrapped his hand around my throat. “Now tell me…where did the Soldier go?!”

I stared at him for a second before spiting in his face. He cried out, before lashing out and slapping me hard across the face. I collapsed on the floor with a groan and his foot connected with my abdomen. 

After several more harsh kicks to my already weakening body, I began to cough and looked down to see scarlet drops of blood on the concrete floor. “Your boyfriend couldn’t save you even if he tried. But why would he anyway? He doesn’t love you!”

“Stop.” I whispered as I turned slowly to look at him. 

“Why would he?” The agent stepped closer to me, an evil glint In his eyes as he stared down at me. “The Soldier could have any women he chose. But he someone ended up with you.”

“I don’t care what you think.” My voice broke, but I didn’t stop. “I just need you to leave me the hell alone. “

“Not until I get what I want.” And once again… he began to hurt. As I felt my consciousness draining from me at an alarming rate, I gave one last attempt for salvation. 

“Stop it! Someone help me!” I couldn’t even recognize my own voice as it left my body. It was dripping in desperation and pain, something I had rarely ever had to experience. But I had no other choice. 

The agent raised his fist to punch me again, when the door burst open and he was knocked to the ground. I let out a small groan in pain as I rolled over onto my side. A hand touched my face and I jumped as I turned to see Steve. His eyes were full of concern and sadness. “Are you alright?” 

“W-Where’s…” My breath hitched in my throat. “Where’s B-Bucky?”

Steve’s head turned to Bucky, who was currently holding the man up against the wall, his metal hand wrapped tightly around his throat. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” 

“Buck, we need to go. Now. She’ll freeze if we don’t leave.”

“You think I wouldn’t put an end to your games?” Bucky’s eyes burned with fury as he slammed the man’s head into the wall. “I’m not stupid and I’m sure as hell strong enough to defeat you.” 

The man opened his mouth to speak but Bucky didn’t allow it. I couldn’t see him, but a few moments later, I heard a sickening snap. A few seconds later, Bucky’s face entered my vision. “Oh, Doll… I’m so sorry.”

His metal arm brushed against me, and my body began to shake harshly at the cold temperature against my skin. HIs eyes lit up with sadness and confusion. 

“Your arm Is too cold.” Steve picked me up, cradling my body against his warm chest. “I’ll take her. Let’s go.” 

The world seem to pass by in a blur, voices muffling and my other senses dulling as well. The last thing I remembered was being tucked into a cot and Bucky sitting at my side, his flesh hand touching my own and whispering. “You’re gonna be okay. I promise…”

—

My eyelids slowly started to part, and I winced as the sunlight entered the room. I hadn’t seen the sun for awhile. Stirring to the side caught my attention, and I turned to see Bucky sitting up in his seat, a smile on his face. 

“Hey, doll.”

“Hey.” I smiled back softly, and took his hand in mine, squeezing it softly. 

“Are you feeling okay? Do you need more blankets?” He started to stand, but I pulled him back gently. 

“I’m fine.” I let out a small giggle, which turned into a cough. His hand moved to rub my back as I got it all out. I let out a small groan as I leaned back into my pillows. “Well… I feel kinda sick.”

“You were locked in a freezing room in Siberia in the middle of Winter with no blankets.” His voice radiated with anger and pain. “I think you get a free pass on that one.”

“Why are you mad?” I asked softly, staring into his soft blue eyes. 

“Because I wasn’t able to prevent this.” Bucky sighed. “I just didn’t see it coming.”

“I’m going to be okay.” I took his hand in mine again and squeezed it. 

“I thought you weren’t at first.” The anger left his eyes and was replaced with sadness. “I heard you cry out for help. I thought I was too late when we got into the room. I was terrified.”

“Bucky…” 

“And after I killed the man…” He looked away. “I thought you were too terrified to even touch me.”

“We’ve been over this.” I interlace our fingers. “HYDRA is your past. One that you don’t plan on returning too. I have nothing to be afraid of.”

“But-”

“No ‘buts’.” I smiled and placed my finger up to his lips. “But, I wouldn’t mind if you came and cuddled with me in bed.” 

His frown turned into a smile and he nodded before standing up and climbing in with me. I let out a small sigh of content as the warmth in his body enveloped me and I wrapped my arms around his torso. 

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Remind me never to visit Siberia again. It didn’t quite meet my expectations.”


	12. Burden

A/N: This is one is pretty angsty and sad, but it does have fluff further in. Just a heads up. 

WARNINGS: Character injury resulting in a disability, a lot of angst. 

Word Count: 2.2k 

\---

Bucky’s POV

Never in my life had I been so afraid. My hands trembled as they grasped the edges of the seat I was in, anxious to arrive at our destination. I did not know what I would find when I got there. 

Twenty four hours earlier, I could’ve easily said that I had never been happier. I Not only was I surrounded by supportive friends like Steve, but I was engaged to one of the most kind, smart, and beautiful dames that I had ever met. Y/N Y/L/N gave me a life that I never thought I’d get to live again. 

But then... all of that happiness was snatched away, in a ransom note left in a our nearly destroyed house that was tucked fairly far from the city. One look at the seal on the letter had caused me to further destroy objects in the house in a fit of rage and pain, until Steve managed to calm me down. 

And now here I was, sitting on a plane with the Avengers to save Y/N from the one organization that I never wanted to encounter ever again. And once again... I felt utterly and completely helpless. 

“Buck...” Steve’s voice jolted me from my thoughts and I glanced to my left to look at him. His eyebrows were furrowed with concern. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I snapped defensively. 

“You’re shaking, and I know you’re scared. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Trust me.” I shake my head as I move to pull out my gun and start to load it with ammunition. “I won’t be the one getting hurt.”

Steve opened his mouth to say more but a call from the front of the plane interrupted him .

“Two minutes till arrival.” 

I stood up, and tucked my gun back into my holster as I looked down at Steve. “I get your concerned. But I’ll be damned if I let those monsters lay another finger on her again. So I’m going, not for me, but for her.” 

He stood up and nodded before clapping my shoulder gently. “Lead the way.”

\---

Chaos radiated everywhere around us. As soon as we had landed, and broke into the compound, the air was filled with the sound of gun fire and bullets urgently trying to seek purchase in one of our bodies. 

But it didn’t stop me. The adrenaline pushed me passed the numerous HYDRA soldiers in my way, taking them out with ease. My senses were sharpened and I was ready for anything that they threw at me. At least, I was until I heard her scream. 

There was no denying it wasn’t Y/N’s voice. 

I could still clearly remember the first time I had heard it, but in a completely different context. She had taken my phone and ran, and only second later, I had her pinned to the bed, tickling her sides in an effort to make her give it up. Y/N giggled, which turned into laughter and finally morphed into a small joy-filled scream as she finally surrendered and gave it back. 

But this wasn’t it a scream of laughter or happiness. It was a scream of pain, and my heart dropped the moment it rang down the dark corridor Steve and I were making our way through. My brisk walk turned into a sprint and I ignored Steve’s calls to wait as I kicked down the door I heard it come from and entered in with my gun in hand.

In a matter of seconds, everyone in the room with a patch with HYDRA’s symbol on it was dead. In the middle of the room, with her legs and abdomen tied to a chair, was my beloved fiancé, hunched over and defeated as she cried softly. I quickly made my way to her side and yanked off the restraints. 

Immediately, her hands rushed to her face, covering it from my view. I gently grabbed onto her hand and she jumped, yanking herself back from my grip. 

“Y/N, doll, it’s me.”

“B-Bucky?” She whimpered softly. 

“It’s me, doll.” I gently moved closer and placed my hands on her shoulder. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

“I’m terrified.” A sob broke past her lips. “I-I can’t see anything.” 

“What do you mean?” Confusion etched across my face. 

“This.” She removed her hands, and my heart broke into a million pieces. Deep burns marked the skin from her forehead down to her eyes. And instead of the beautiful Y/E/C eyes that I had fallen in love with, they were now a purly white color. “T-They threw something in my face, Bucky. I-I can’t see a-anything.” 

Her breathing accelerated as she began to panic and sobs escaped her lips. The door opened and slammed shut and I turned to see Steve standing behind me. His eyes were filled with horror as he took in Y/N’s injuries. “We found the head scientist. He locked himself in his office.” 

I glanced back at Y/N, and leaned in to kiss the top of her head softly. “Steve’s going to take care of you, okay? I’ll meet you on the jet.” 

“No!” She scrambled to grasp my hand. “Don’t go! I need you!” 

“I promise I’ll be back.” My voice almost broke as I took her hand and squeezed gently. “I will never leave you again. This is something I have to do, doll. I’ll be back at your side as soon as I can.”

Her bottom lip trembled but she nodded gently. I leaned in and kissed her lips softly before pulling away and standing up. I turned to Steve. “Where?” 

“Down the hall, and up the stairs. The others are waiting up there.” 

“Good.” I looked at Y/N once again. “Take her back to the ship and use whatever we have to clean her wounds. Don’t leave her side, do you hear me?”

“I would never.” Steve’s eyes reflected sadness, and I nodded before leaving the room and following his instructions to find where this man was. 

I came down the second hall to find Tony, Natasha, and Clint all working to knock down the door. They froze as they saw me coming, anger radiating off of me heavily. “Where’s Y/N?”

I didn’t respond as I preceded to kick down the door and enter the office. In a corner, a middle age man with glasses and a white lab coat sat trembling. I cracked my knuckles as I looked down at him. “I think you and I need to have a little talk.”

\---

Hours later, we made it back to the base. Y/N had passed out from the pain half way home, increasing the urgency to get back. But once she was in the doctor’s hands, she was stabilized and put in a room to rest. One of the doctors found me waiting, and walked up to talk with me. 

“Mr. Barnes? Ms. Y/L/N is your fiancé, correct?” The man asked hesitantly. 

I nodded as he took a seat next to me. “Is she okay?”

“Yes. We were able to stabilize her, and gave her some medication so she can sleep for a few hours. She should awaken before dinner time.” 

“And... what about her eyes?” I asked, as a lump grew in my throat. I was already afraid of what the doctor was going to tell me. 

“The acid that was thrown in her eyes acted quickly, and destroyed many nerves and tissues that are essential to sight.” His eyes reflected sadness before he continued. “The skin around her eyes will come to heal, with slight scarring, but I’m afraid that she will never see again.” 

My eyes began to pool with tears, and I looked away quickly as they threatened to spill. “Okay.” I whispered. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Barnes.” He touched my shoulder gently before standing and walking away. 

As soon as he was down the hall, Steve entered and took his place in the seat next to me. His eyes focused on me. “What did he say?” 

“She is never going to see again.” My voice cracked and a small sob made its way passed my lips. I looked at my best friend through teary eyes. “This is all my fault, Steve.”

“It is not your fault.” He said immediately, but the water works burst, and I couldn’t hold them back anymore. His arm wrapped around my shoulder tightly as I cried softly into his shoulder, until I could cry no more and sleep over came me. 

\---

“Buck, wake up.” A arm shook me gently, and I opened my eyes slowly. “She woke up.” 

As soon as those words left Steve’s lips, I was on my feet and following the nurse to Y/N’s room. I entered slowly as the nurse shut the door behind me. In the room, a single bed was pushed against the wall. Y/N was sitting up against a pile of pillows, a bandage wrapped around her head covering her eyes. 

I walked over and sat in a chair near the bed. “Doll, it’s me. Bucky.” 

“Come sit next to me.” Y/N spoke softly, and reached her hand out. I immediately stood and climbed in next to her, wrapping my arm gently around her. “How long was I out for?”

“A day.” I reached down and intertwined our fingers together. “But it felt like forever. I didn’t know if you’d be alright. I’m so-”

“Please don’t say it.” Her voice broke, and she sniffled softly. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

“I should’ve been there.” I stated numbly, as I ran my thumb across the skin of her hand. “You would still have your sight, if I had fucking been there.” 

“We knew the dangers of being together.” Y/N lifted her hand to wipe her nose before leaning her head against my shoulder. “But you are my hero, Bucky Barnes. You saved my life.” 

“I shouldn’t have had to.” I lean my head against hers as a tear slides down my cheek. 

“I’m not mad at you.” Her voice was quiet. “I’m not mad at all. I just... wish I could have my sight again.” 

“I would do anything to let you have that again.” I move to kiss the side of her head gently. “Anything.”

“I know...” Y/n sighed. “But sometimes even the strongest wills won’t grant you your strongest desires.” 

\---

TWO MONTHS LATER

Y/N’s POV

As hard as it was, I knew I’d have to grow used to not being able to see. Losing one of my senses was devastating, especially since it was one that I had relied on for so long. 

Instead of having my knives to fight on the field, I had a service dog. 

Instead of having a com link to communicate with the others, I had a pair of dark sunglasses and a cane. 

Instead of being able to go where I wanted, I had to have someone with me always. 

I felt completely vulnerable, and I felt like I had become a burden, especially on Bucky’s shoulders. The simple pain at first thought had grown into a deep one that never stopped growing. One day, I lay in my bed during the afternoon and all I could do was cry. I felt completely useless. 

The bed dipped, and strong arms wrapped around my waist, causing me to jump slightly. But the familiar cool temperature of one of the arms alerted me of who it was. 

“Why are you crying?” His voice was gentle, and his lips brushed against my cheek. 

I turned in his embrace so I was facing him. Tears continued to trickle down my face as I began to speak. “I am a burden.”

“No, you are not.” Bucky’s voice was firm. “Do not say that again.”

“How can I not?” I cry out softly. “You have to be by my side constantly. I can’t go out by myself, because a fucking car could hit me since I can’t see where the hell I’m going. I can’t cook, or else I’ll burn myself on the stove. I can’t do anything! Hell, I can’t even take a goddamn shower without some assistants! Is that really the life you want? Do you really want to marry a blind girl?”

“Yes!” His answer and tone startled me, but he kept speaking. “I love you, Y/N Y/L/N. I met you when you could still see, and I loved you then as well. But nothing has changed, except your vision. You are still the same woman I fell in love with, and you always will be. I want to marry you and grow old with you. Hell, if you want, I’d love to have a family with you. You will never be a burden to me, not now nor ever. “

“I-I love you.” I managed to say as my voice trembled with new tears, not sad but happy ones. 

“I love you too.” His hands brushed against my cheeks and he leaned in to kiss me softly. “And I cannot wait to marry you in two weeks.”

“Me neither.” And for the first time in two months, a genuine smile lit up my face, and I knew that as long as I had this man in my life... everything would be okay.


	13. Chaos

WARNINGS: Angst x 100. Character Death.

———

The new HYDRA compound was a scene of chaos. The Avengers had touched down and were aiming to end all of the evilness that this group had created. And now, one of the sergeants was trying his hardest to ignore the panic that was building up inside him.

Over the past six months, he had jumped from base to base to avoid confrontation with the Winter Soldier or any of the Avengers, but they had finally caught up with him.

For the first time in his life… he was scared. 

A loud knock on the door of the large room he was hiding in startled him out of his thoughts. He did not move an inch or move to speak a single word.

“Oh, Sergeant…” a cold chuckle that was all too familiar to him sent goosebumps down his spine. “I believe I have a promise to uphold. So you might as well open the fucking door and face me like a man.”

“I have men in here.” The man lied through his teeth, praying that the Winter Soldier could not tell how scared he was, or that he was lying. 

“Well… I know that’s a load of BS. My friends and I killed all your men until there was one left. He told me where to find you, and that you were alone. Very alone.”

“He’s an idiot, whoever he is.”

“You don’t have anything to defend you. We burned the fucking book, and at best, you have maybe one round left in your gun. “

A moment later, a loud bang erupted, and the door was open. Bucky Barnes stepped into the room, wearing his all-too familiar uniform, with his silver arm exposed. Two of his knives were in his hands, and he gave the Sergeant a fake smile. “Missed me?”

A shot was fired from the Sergeants gun, and Bucky deflected it with his metal arm. He began to make his decent down the stairs to where the other was cowering in fear. 

“You know, I’ve been anxious to see you again.” Bucky flipped one of his knives over in his hand. “I wanted to have a real heart to heart with you about what happened last time we met.”

“Please…” The Sergeant pleaded as he backed up further, and tried to shoot again, only to see that he was out of bullets. He dropped the gun, and backed up against the wall. 

“You know, I remember my wife Y/N saying the same thing when you held the gun to her head..” The slight humor died from Bucky’s eyes and was replaced with a mix of anger and pain. “But you didn’t give a damn.”

“I fucked up, I know.” The man held up his hands, desperate to be spared. “I will do anything you want, I swear.”

“You can’t do anything I want!” The Winter Soldier threw one of his knives, and it sunk into the wall only inches from his target’s face. “You can’t bring back my wife, you fucking piece of shit!”

“I-I…” 

“You can’t go back in time, and prevent HYDRA from turning me into the Winter Soldier. You can’t do anything!” Bucky threw another knife and it grazed the tip of Renold’s ear. His lip trembled as he watched the soldier pull another knife from somewhere on his uniform. 

“I’m sorry…” his voice had almost disappeared entirely. “HYDRA threatened my family, and I had to join..”

“You think ‘I’m sorry’ is going to cover it?” Bucky walked closer to the Sergeant. “Is that how little my wife’s life meant to you? Just another little piece of trash that could be used? Because she meant a hell of a lot more to me, and I don’t believe any of the bull shit you’re spouting now.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Renolds whispered.

“There isn’t anything for you to say…” Bucky twirled the knife in his fingers before gently grazing the tip of the knife along the skin of the Sergeants throat. “You’re a sick son of a bitch who killed my wife. My children have to grow up without a mother, and I have to live the rest of my time on this fucked up planet without the love of my life. “

“I’m-“

“Don’t say it.” Bucky hissed, and Renolds flinched as his face moved closer to his own. “You don’t mean anything you say.” It was silent for a moment. “I’m going to do the world a favor… and let your crueless die in this room.”

With a quick flick of the wrist, Bucky stabbed his knife into the HYDRA loyalists soldier. He released a cry of pain which was quickly silenced as Bucky wrapped his metal hand around his throat. Bucky’s eyes were watering as he stared at the man struggling to breath. 

The sergeants face turned purple, and a few moments later, his neck snapped and body went limp. He was dead. Bucky released his body, and watched as it dropped to the cold floor. The same floor that Y/N had died in only six months before. Bucky bit his lips gently as he felt a tear slip down his face.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, doll.” He looked around the room. “But… I killed him. I wish that I could’ve done more.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done, Buck.” He turned to see Steve standing at the door. His eyes flickered to the Sergeants body on the floor. “At least you got to avenge her death.”

“But she shouldn’t be dead, Steve.” Bucky’s voice wavered at the end of his sentence. “None of this should have happened. HYDRA shouldn’t have turned me into the soldier.” 

“You wouldn’t have met Y/N if you hadn’t become the Soldier.” Steve said gently. “And you wouldn’t have those beautiful children if you hadn’t become what HYDRA made you. And Y/N loved you, Buck. She still does, wherever she is now. Now, HYDRA is defeated, and you get to be a father to James and Rebecca. Isn’t that a privilege in itself?”

“It is.” Bucky nodded before walking towards the door to Steve. “I just…I imagined my happy ending to look a little different”

“With Y/N?” Steve asked gently. 

“Yes.”

“You’ll see her again. One day.” Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “But for now… you have an amazing future ahead of you.”

“Yeah…” He smiled gently, as they walk towards the jet. “I Sure do.”


	15. Work of Art

/N: Friendly reminder that requests are still open! This imagine is inspired by an imagine I read on Tumblr. Enjoy! 

\---

Bucky never let anyone near his left side, particularly his left arm. Sure, part of it was an insecurity problem. He lost count of how many times people gawked at the sight of the silver material of his left hand, even if it was only because his sleeve pulled up only a few inches. But insecurity wasn’t the only problem. In fact, it was hardly anything compared to the other reason. 

Many people had died because of it…

Buildings had crashed down, families in swarms of panic, simple chaos…

All because HYDRA found him, nearly dead and with one less limb than he had the previous day, and turned him into their weapon… with a new arm.

The screams echoed in the back of his mind whenever anyone touched it, and he could hardly look Tony Stark in the eyes anymore after he saw the video of himself killing his parents. In fact, it took a long time before they could even be near each other.

Months had passed since that dreadful day, and he had since returned to the Tower with Steve. Bucky kept himself locked in his room most days, except to work out in the gym early in the morning while everyone else was still asleep.

Well… almost everyone.

Bucky walked into the gym one early morning a few minutes before 5, when he heard soft grunts of exertion coming from the far corner. A familiar (y/h/c) haired girl was in front of one of the punching bags, jabbing harshly at the surface in front of her. She wore a pair of black leggings and a pink sports bra. For a split second, Bucky’s heart fluttered, but he looked away.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your gym time.” She turned around and smiled, panting softly. “I couldn’t sleep. Thought a little work out would be a better use of my time than rolling around in my bed.”

Bucky’s eyes widened slightly, but remained silent for a moment before responding, his voice slightly cracking. “It’s fine.”

“Bucky Barnes, right?” She walked closer and held out her hand. “Y/N Y/L/N. We’ve met, but haven’t talked much.”

Hesitantly, he reached out his hand and shook hers gently. “Nice to see you.”

He saw her eyes flicker down to his other arm, which was completely exposed in his black tank top. Bucky immediately felt the insecurity and the need to keep her safe sink down onto him, pushing him to stay away from her. “I should probably get going.”

“You just got here.” Y/N’s voice rang with confusion, and her eyebrows furrowed.

“I… I forgot that Steve needed me to look over some papers for the briefing today.” His words were rushed and rambled. “I’ll see you around.”

As he turned to leave, a warm hand grasped his metal wrist and he froze in his spot. He turned slowly, and looked at her. She wasn’t scared. If anything… she was just the opposite.

Her eyes were slightly sad as she looked at his arm before looking at Bucky again. “I’m not afraid.”

He closed his eyes as he felt her hand move up from his wrist to his bicep, almost shivering as her fingers brushed lightly against the scar that connected the metal to his body. His eyes flashed open again to look down at her.

“Why not?” Bucky’s voice was a low whisper, cautious as he waited for her response.

“You are not an object to be controlled anymore, Bucky.” Y/N’s hand slowly started to trail back down his arm. “HYDRA doesn’t own you. You are free.”

“I hurt so many damn people.” A lump formed in his throat and he fought back tears. “I can’t add any more people to that list.”

“I know you well enough to know that won’t happen.” Her fingers intertwined with his, and his heart jumped slightly. “Because I’ll be with you the rest of the way.”

His fingers moved gently and squeezed her hand gently. It was silent for a few more moments before conversation broke out once again.

“I don’t know if you’d want this… but I have an idea to change the way your arm looks… you know, if you want it to be less intimidating.”

“Show me…” Bucky smiled, and Y/N nodded before leading him out of the room and down the hall. After a few twists and turns, they reach a door that Bucky does not recognize. After swiping her card, and punching in a few numbers, the door opens.

The room is dark, and Bucky can make out a few shapes that look almost unrecognizable. The lights turn on, and his eyes widen. At least twenty easels were set up, each with an extraordinary painting in the works or completed resting on it. As he looked around, Y/N cleared her throat softly. He turned to see her standing with a few brushes and a few pallets of paint. “So… Want to try it out?”

6 MONTHS LATER…

Bucky could not say that he had ever been happier, even in the 1940s. In the span of six months, Y/N had made him the happiest man alive. From that night on, Y/N used her washable paint and created illustrations on his arm, transforming it from a symbol of HYDRA’s doing to a reminder of what life lay ahead of him.

Bucky kept the paintings on his arm for about a week before scrubbing it off in the shower with a sponge and soap. Sure, it took some work and a good forty to fifty minutes, but it was sure as hell worth the time. Every Monday morning, at five AM, he would find himself wandering into her little artist nook, where she sat waiting with her paints and brushes, and told her some ideas for a new painting. It was like their own little date… which eventually led to real dates, outside of the building and not in the early hours of the morning.

One date led to another, and here they were… five months into a healthy and beautiful relationship, and now currently, back in the art studio.

Y/N laughed as Bucky put a blindfold over her eyes. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“I just wanna try it… maybe it’ll be my new hobby.” The humor in his voice suggested otherwise, and Y/N couldn’t help the giggle escaping her lips as she sat down on the stool he led her to. “Or… maybe not.”

“Well… let’s see what you can do, Mr. Barnes.” Y/N rolled up her sleeve and held out her arm.

For the next hour or so, Y/N sat there grinning as she heard little curses slip past his lips as he tried to open the containers of paint and began to paint the skin of her arm. Eventually, he let out a sigh of relief and chuckled. “Alright, doll. The master piece is complete. Ready to see?”

“I was born ready. Take off the blind fold.” A moment later, the fabric slipped from her eyes, and she glanced down.

Y/N had to bite back her laughter as she took it all in. Lots of colors were used, and lots were mixed together in a messy fashion. There were a few animals, some that she could distinguish as cats and dogs, and some that almost resembled what she might thought aliens looked like. But… the one part that was perfect was the red heart on the inside of her wrist, with the letters “B+ (your initial)” delicately painted.

“You can laugh, I know it’s bad.”

“It really is.” Y/N laugh, and Bucky rolled his eyes. She moved to where he stood and leaned up to kiss his cheek softly. “But I love the heart. And I love you.”

His cheeks turned slightly pink, but a big grin lit up his face before he leaned down and kissed her softly. In the moment of distraction, he picked up a paintbrush and pulled away to swipe it across her cheek. “That’s what you get for saying my art work sucked!”

“Hey!” Y/N squealed before picking up another one, and dipping it in paint before lunging at Bucky. He dodged the attempt, and ran out the door, laughing all the way. Y/N followed him down the hall at a full spring, passing by both Steve and Tony as they walked the other direction. 

They stopped for a moment and just watched as the two ran at full speed down the long hall way.

“What the hell just happened?”

 

“Language!”

 

(A/N 2: Oh God, this ending is so bad. XD I'm sorry lmao)


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I absolutely LOVE The Greatest Showman, and all of the music, especially Never Enough. So... this imagine is inspired by the song. Enjoy!

\---

I’m trying to hold my breath

Let it stay this way

Can’t let this moment end

 

I couldn’t help the flutter in my heart as I watched Bucky’s eyes widen, and his jaw slightly fall open as he watched me descend the flight of stairs where he stood waiting, dressed in a neat black suit.   
“See something you like, Mr. Barnes?”

“You look like a dream...” He held his hand which I gladly took in my gloved one. “After all the ass kicking I’ve seen you do, I never really imagined you as a ‘fancy dress party girl’”

“Wow. That sentence started so nice, and then just went down hill from there.” I giggled, and he rolled his eyes playfully. 

“You know what I’m trying to say.”

Well... he was right about one thing. I rarely wore dresses, and never wore dresses like this. But when Tony insisted on holding a fancy ballroom dance and after much pleading from my metal arm boyfriend, I decided to give it a chance.

And here I was, standing in a long red mermaid style dress. It hugged my curves perfectly, and was accented with white beading. I even traded my usually flat combat boots for a pair of white heels. My usually clean face was touched with light eyeshadow, eyeliner, and a ruby red lipstick. 

“I do.” I smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly. His arms wrapped gently around my waist to pull me closer and I pulled away a moment later. “Come on, we have a ball to go to.”

“Screw the ball.”

“Bucky!”

“I don’t want this moment to end.” He leaned his forehead again. “Just having you here with me, all dolled up, and getting to call you mine.”

“You still can tomorrow, love.” I let out a small chuckle. 

“I know.” Bucky pulled back and kissed my forehead gently before stepping back and taking my hand. “I guess you’re right. Let’s go to the ball. But I’m not letting any other man dance with you. Not even Steve.”

\---

You set off a dream in me

Getting louder now

Can you hear it echoing?

 

I watched silently as Y/N dressed herself in her gear for her mission, the one that I had been excluded from simply because I had sprained my ankle the day before. 

“You don’t have to go.” My voice felt almost weak as the words escaped my lips. 

She froze for a moment before buckling her belt and turning around to face me. “You know I need to.” Her Y/E/C eyes were slightly sad, and she moved over to sit next to me on the bed. “It’s only for a few days.”  
“What if something goes wrong?” A lump grew in my throat, and my eyes started to water as her hand reached over to hold onto mine. “What if those few days turn into forever?”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” One hand moved to cup my cheek, and I turned to look at her. “I will be fine. I have Steve. Do you think Steve would let anything happen to his best friend’s fiance?”   
“No. Of course not.” I smiled softly, as a took her hand in mine, and felt the cool metal of the ring against my hand. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” 

“I’ll be careful. I promise.” Y/N leaned in, and kissed me softly. A moment later, a sharp knock at the door broke us apart. 

“Five minutes til you need to be at the get, Y/L/N.” Tony called before walking away. She sighed and rolled her eyes as she stood up. 

“What a dickhead.” She squeezed my hand one more time before letting go. “Don’t do anything crazy while I’m gone. I’ll be back in only a few days. “

“I won’t.” I watched as she walked to the door after grabbing a backpack of supplies from on top of the dresser. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Y/N smiled softly before disappearing out the door.

\---

Take my hand

Will you share this with me?

'Cause darling without you

 

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

 

\---

After a few days, Y/N did indeed come back, with no broken bones or any serious gun shot wound. Everything was okay. 

The weeks leading up to our wedding passed by effortlessly, and soon the day was upon us. 

The morning somehow seemed to go by much slower than the weeks had, and I could only wait anxiously in front of the alter for my bride to make her way to me. 

And then at last, the piano began to play softly, drawing conversations to a close and turning heads to the back of the church. And then... it was as if time began to slow to a complete stop. 

Y/N stepped into the church, and was absolutely radiant. Her dress was very similar to the one she wore the night of the ball, but this time it was pure white. Her make up was light, and a few strands of her hair were pinned back against her head. 

Eventually, she made it to my side, and all I could do was smile and gaze down at her affectionately as the minister began to speak. 

“If I could go back in time and be able to change my fate that day I fell from the train...” I whispered softly. “I wouldn’t, because I know that the life I would’ve lived afterwards would have not been enough. It never would’ve been enough, because I would’ve never met you.” 

Y/N’s eyes began to pool with tears as I gently slipped the delicate wedding ring onto her finger.   
“If I had never joined the Avengers... I would’ve never met you.” She began to slide the golden band onto my finger. “And I know that whoever else I might have met wouldn’t have been my match, because they wouldn’t have been you. It would never have been enough. Not for me.” 

“I love you.” I said softly, and she smiled. 

“I love you too.” 

And with the last few words from the preacher, Bucky dipped me gently and kissed me passionately. 

\---

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night-sky

Will never be enough

-

For me


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Another “Greatest Showman” song inspired imagine. :) This song should’ve totally won at the Academy awards in 2018 for Original Song (just saying ;)) Enjoy!

—

I am not a stranger to the dark

Hide away, they say

‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts

\---

After losing my legs in the horrific car accident six months ago, which ultimately resulted in Steve benching me from the Avengers , I knew that things would never be the same. 

Sure, I was welcome to stay in the Tower but I was only allowed to participate in the developing and technical preparations for the missions. In other words… my position had been downgraded.

For awhile, it seemed that everyone’s eyes were on me whenever I walked down the street with the assistance of either someone’s arm or a pair of crutches. 

At first, I wore my favorite pairs of shorts, finding it easier to put on in the mornings. But as the looks continued to grow, I forced myself to wear jeans and pants every day. It would be easier to hide them away then have to explain everything to everyone who questioned my prosthetic legs. 

And so that’s how I lived, hiding my imperfections from the rest of the world… at least, until I met him.   
\---

 

I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars

Run away, they say

No one’ll love you as you are  
\---

 

At first sight, my eyes immediately focused in on his left arm. His gaze focused on mine set on his limb, and he immediately pulled it out of view, hiding it behind his back. 

A pang of familiarity hit me as I watched his eyes cloud with an emotion that I could only determine as shame. I wasn’t the only one… 

Weeks passed by, and our interactions hadn’t developed past surface level conversations. Bucky trained and soon was welcomed to join the team with Steve… in my position. 

My heart broke even further than it had before as I listened to Steve tell him the news at the dinner table one evening. As my eyes swam with tears, I picked at my food for a few moments before mumbling something about not feeling well and walking to my room, slamming the door shut behind me. All the way… I felt a pair of eyes on my back, but I did not turn around once. 

After a night of sleep, I decided that the only way I could possibly be reinstated on the field team and be viewed as normal again… was to get back in shape. I had been to the gym only once since the accident, and I had been stopped half way through by Steve, who insisted that it was way too early for me to be back. 

I decided to wake up early, about 5 in the morning, and go to the gym then. Since I’d be alone, I wore a pair of shorts exposing my prosthetic legs and sports bra before walking down to the elevator and going to the floor where the gym was located. 

I flicked on the lights before looking around at all of the equipment in the room. 

I had no idea where to even start. 

Eventually, I decided to begin on the treadmill. After plugging in my head phones, I started the machine at a slow walking pace before speeding up gradually. After ten minutes, I decided to start to jog slowly. But as I began to speed up, I felt something lock in one of my legs. 

“Fuck.” I cursed as I reached down to fix it. In a matter of seconds, my legs wiped out from underneath of me and I slammed hard onto the treadmill before finally landing on the hard cold ground a few feet away, my ear buds ripped from my ears. For a moment, I just lay there with my eyes closed before the tears pooling underneath my eyelids started to fall. 

“Y/N?!” Bucky’s familiar voice called out, and my hands moved up to my face to cover my tears, but they would not stop coming. Two strong hands touched my shoulders gently, and I flinched softly as he lifted me up to a sitting position before pulling my hands away to look up at him. Concern was etched across his face. “Are you okay, doll?” 

“It has been six fucking months since I lost my legs…” I chuckled humorlessly as I wiped away my tears. “And you are one of the only people to ask me that.” 

I watched his eyes trail down to my legs but there was no disgust or morbid curiosity in his eyes. It surprised me. 

“Everyone always told me that I’d be okay, not asking if I was.” I looked away from his beautiful blue eyes. “They told me that my life would be just as good as it was before, just without two limbs that I’ve relied on for my entire life. But I’ve been kicked off of the only goddamn team that I’ve ever cared about, and put on fucking office duty because ‘I’m not strong enough’!” 

My hands clenched into fists as I finally looked at him. He remained silent, only watching me with soft eyes.

“And then Steve offered you my spot on the team.” My voice became soft. “I was replaced… and there was nothing I could do about it. You lost your arm, but you still have two legs. And, your arm made you strong. I thought the only way to get back on the team was to do this…”

“You know that losing your legs didn’t lessen your value, right?” His voice was gentle, and his left hand touched mine. “It took me so long after my time with HYDRA to forgive myself for what I had done, for what HYDRA made me do with my new arm. And Steve… well, he’s Steve.” 

A small grin played at the corners of my lips, as he squeezed my hand softly. 

“Steve only wants to keep you safe, and he’s also a dumbass, keeping someone like you on the sidelines.”

“I’ll never be enough… not without my legs.”

“Now that is some real bullshit.” His voice hardened slightly, and my eyes widened slightly. “I’m sorry, but it is. If you train hard enough, you’ll be back on the team in no time. But even if you don’t… you are still perfect.”

“How can I train if all I do is fall off treadmills?” I rolled my eyes. 

“You get a training partner.” Bucky smiled before standing up and offering me a hand. “And if you let me… I’ll gladly be yours.” 

I took his hand, and let him pull me up to my feet. “Sounds good to me… partner.”

–--

But I won’t let them break me down to dust

I know that there’s a place for us

For we are glorious

 

\---  
After that night, we began to train. 

Whenever Bucky wasn’t on a mission, we were either making plans to train or were actually training. And somehow, we did so without Steve noticing. 

Six months later, after a particularly grueling sparing session with Bucky, he decided it was time to talk to Steve .

“You’re ready.” He smiled, and nudged my shoulder humorlessly as we walked out of the gym. “I know you are.” 

“But what if I mess up?” I sigh. “What if-”

“Y/N? Bucky?” We turn to see Steve standing in the hall way. His eye brows furrowed as he took us both in, dressed in exercise clothing and semi-soaked in sweat. “What’s going on?”

“Training.” I said simply. 

“For?”

I flinched slightly at his response, but before I could respond, Bucky began to speak. 

“To let her back on the team.” He stepped forward closer to Steve. “We’ve been training for six months, and I think she’s ready.”

“But her legs…” Steve trailed off. 

“So what?” Bucky’s voice was not amused and I quickly stepped forward and touched his forearm gently. 

“Bucky, it’s okay.”

“No. It’s not.” He glared at Steve. “If I lost one arm and can still be on this team, why can’t Y/N? What’s so different with her?” 

“I…” Steve’s blue eyes focused on me for a moment, and he sighed softly. “I’m just worried that you’ll get hurt.” 

“You gotta have a little more faith in me than that, Steve.” I smiled. “Besides, I lost my legs in a freak accident, not on a mission.”

“That’s true…”

“Just give me a chance…” I pleaded. “I promise I won’t mess this up. “

Steve hesitated for a moment, before nodding. “Okay. I’ll give you this next mission as a practice run. If it goes well… you’re back on the team.” He nodded at Bucky before turning and walking away. 

I turned to Bucky a moment before his arms wrapped around my waist and he spun me around in a circle. I squealed before he put me down. 

“We did it!” I laughed as I looked up at him, my arms wrapped around his neck .

“No, doll, you did it.” Bucky chuckled, his eyes focused on me. “It was all you.”

“Thank you… for everything.”

“It was my pleasure.” His eyes flickered to my lips, and my heart skipped a beat. “Can I… kiss you?”

“Go ahead, soldier.” I giggle before his lips brushed against mine, in the middle of the hall way outside of the room where he found me broken and destroyed only months earlier. Oh, how time can change a person. 

—

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I’m meant to be, this is me


	18. What Do I Deserve?

A/N: I find that writing is my safe place... I can release whatever I emotions or feelings that I have inside of me into what I write. So... that’s what I will be doing. It will be a Y/N / reader piece, but it’s based on similar things that I’ve had to go through recently. If you made it this far and didn’t skip to the actual story, thanks for reading this part. :) Enjoy.

WARNINGS; Unhealthy relationships (also an FYI: names mentioned are made up, not real people)  
\---

Growing up, I was constantly reassured that I would find the love of my life and get married. I would have the perfect wedding with a beautiful white dress and with the most handsome man that would sweep me off my feet by just simply smiling. 

And that was what I wanted. 

Sure, I was aware that I didn’t have to have that life style to be happy, but it was something I honestly wanted for myself. I found my happiness in being with others, and I felt that I’d find it most in finding a man to spend the rest of my life with.   
The years past, and now here I was, (Y/A) and single as ever. Every visit with family members had a varied form of the question “When are you going to get a boyfriend?” and it hurt every time.   
So... after a few months of hesitation, I decided to try online dating. Would my parents approve? Absolutely not. But it wasn’t really about their happiness. It was about mine.   
I decided not to tell anyone on the team for awhile, because I really did not need Steve Roger’s disapproving shake of his head, or any speech that followed along the lines of “You just need to wait for the right man”. And I was 99% sure that the rest of them would just laugh at me.   
So one day, while the rest of them were out getting pizza, I decided to download Tinder and give it a shot. I was laying on the couch in the living room as I began to fill out my profile. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this.”  
“Doing what?”

I nearly jumped off the couch at the voice behind me, and I spun around to see Bucky standing there, a mischievous smile on his face. “Don’t do that! You scared the living shit out of me!!”  
“Sorry, sorry!” He raised his hands in surrender, before walking around to sit next to me on the couch. “But really... what are you planning to do?” 

“Nothing.” I blush and quickly try to tuck my phone in my pocket. But in a matter of seconds, the device was snatched from my hand and into his possession. “No! Give it back!”

“I wanna see what you’re doing!” He chuckled and stood up, purposefully turning away so I couldn’t take my phone from him. “Oh... wow. Online dating?

“Give it back!” My annoyance quickly turned into humiliation, tears starting to pool in my eyes. “It’s none of your damn business!” 

Bucky turned and I quickly pulled my phone from his hand, locking the screen quickly. I started to storm by him to my room as the tears burned in my eyes, but a cool metal hand touched my wrist gently. I turned to face him, and his eyes were soft. 

No amusement, no bitterness, no judgement. 

“Why are you so upset?” He asked softly, and gently pulled me closer to him. “It’s your life.”

“I’m embarrassed... I’m embarrassed that I’m (Y/A) years old and I still haven’t found my match.” A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. “I know that everyone thinks its stupid but... I don’t know.”

“It’s not stupid.” Bucky shakes his head and tilts my chin up to look at him. There was a glimmer of something in his eyes but I couldn’t place what it was. “I just want you to be careful... there are a lot of bad men out there, and you are beyond perfect. They might want to take advantage of you.” 

“I know.” I smile softly as I look at him. “I’m gonna be safe, I promise.” 

“Good.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead softly before pulling away and smiling at me. “I hope you find the right man for you.” 

“Thanks.” I frowned slightly as he started to walk away, noticing that the smile he just gave me wasn’t genuine. It always reached his eyes, but it didn’t this time. His lips were pulled up almost in a reassuring way, but it wasn’t a sign of true happiness. I opened my mouth to speak again, but he had disappeared around the corner.   
With a sigh, I sat down on the couch and continued to set up my online profile, only hoping that I’d meet my “Mr. Right”...  
\--

FOUR WEEKS LATER...

It didn’t take long for the matches to start coming in. Although I had talked to a few men, there was one in particular that seemed completely genuine to me.   
He was Carson Reed, a 24 year old business owner who lived only five miles from the Tower. He was generally well off, and wanted a future with someone close to him. We both swiped right, and minutes later, we began to have a conversation. 

After a few days of conversing online, we decided to go and get coffee together at the nearby coffee shop. To say it went well was an understatement. 

It was one of the best dates I had ever been on in my whole life. 

We exchanged numbers, and agreed to go out again the following week. And that was exactly what happened, except this time, he took me out to a fancy theater to see a play before we went out to dinner. 

After having a few glasses of wine, he offered for me to come back with him to his place and I agreed. We sat on the couch for awhile and continued to talk, until he leaned in and kissed me. 

It continued to grow from there, and soon enough, we were headed into his bedroom. I fell asleep in his bed with him, tucked gently against his side, and woke up the next morning alone. There was no note, no texts, no Carson. 

I got dressed and went home, a growing ache in my heart that maybe this was just a game to him. But I reassured myself that he had a word emergency and he would text me later.   
The hours passed by as I waited on the couch in the living room of the tower, checking my phone occasionally to see if he had messaged me. Nothing. A lump grew in my throat as I kept watching episodes of my favorite show on Netflix, making me question why I had even made an account on Tinder in the first place. 

After having a slice of pizza for dinner, I decided to put my pride aside and call him. The phone rang for a few moments before it picked up. “Hello?” I said hesitantly.   
There was no response but a moment later, a soft moan sounded through the speakers followed by, “Fuck, you’re the best fuck I’ve had in a long time.”  
My blood went cold as I heard another round of moans before I quickly hung up the phone. I felt myself begin to shake as a soft sob escaped my lips. As I felt myself slowly fall to pieces, footsteps began to walk into the room. I didn’t realize someone else was present until a soft hand touched my shoulder. I quickly turned to see Bucky, his eyes confused and concerned.

“I thought I told you not to fucking scare me like that!” I snapped, before standing up, my pain morphing into a wave of anger.   
“I’m sorry!” his eyes widened slightly. “I heard you crying and-”

“I’m fine!” I gritted my teeth before starting to walk away. 

“You always say that, but I know you’re not!” Bucky grabbed my wrist and stopped me from leaving. “What happened?”

“Why do you fucking care?” I exclaimed, my voice starting to break. “Don’t you have a girlfriend to care about?”

“No!” His blue eyes were ablaze with anger as he stared down at me. “Theres only one girl I want, and she can’t see it!” 

“I’m sure she’d take you in a heartbeat.” I whispered softly, as I look up at him. “Everyone wants you. But no one wants me.”

“What happened with Carson?”

“I’ll tell you what happened.” I snatched my phone off the couch. “We went out last night and everything was great. But I didn’t hear a word from him all day. I decided to call him, and what do I hear? I hear him fucking another girl!” 

My vision is blurred with tears as I shake my head and look up at Bucky. “What do I deserve, Bucky?” My voice was broken and much quieter. “To me, it seems that I deserve nothing. I deserve to be treated like I’m nothing simply because of how I fucking look or just who I am. And it’s so unfair.” 

“You have no idea how wrong you are.” Bucky shakes his head slowly as I move my hand to wipe away my tears. “You deserve the world.” 

“Then why do men treat me like this?” My voice is a mixture of a humorless laugh and a sob as I look at him. “Why am I always the one left in the dust like I’m nothing?”

“Because they don’t know what they’re missing out on!” Bucky takes my hand in his, and my heart flutters in my chest as he pulls me closer to him. “You are beyond enough. You helped me learn to smile again , and to be open to people. You pulled me out of my shell, and taught me that my past doesn’t define me anymore.” His metal hand moved to cup my cheek. “My... arm doesn’t make me a monster, even though HYDRA made me kill for them.” 

“But there are so many other girls that-”

“No.” Bucky shakes his head as his face starts to lean closer to mine. “You are simply stunning, and you don’t compare to any of those other girls. “ His eyes flicker down to my lips. “Can I...?” 

My skin feels like its on fire at his touch, as his lips draw closer to mine. “Yes...”   
His soft lips brush against mine softly, and I kiss back gently, my arms wrapping around his shoulders as our lips move in sync with each others. His lips turned into a smile against mine, and I couldn’t help the one forming on my face as he pulled away and looked at me.   
“I know it might seem like it’s too soon, but I love you.” A blush formed on his face as he smiled shyly at me. “And I want to make sure you feel loved, if you’ll let me.” 

“Yes.” I smiled at Bucky before pulling him down gently and kissing him once again, feeling my past pain fade away and be replaced with the only thing I would ever need... Bucky Barnes.

\---

A/N 2: Sappy ending, sorry. XD I have yet to find my “Bucky Barnes”, but... I guess time will tell.


	20. Challenge Accepte

A/N: A little blurb for y’all! I get Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off for Thanksgiving so maybe you’ll get a second update this week! Enjoy! :))

Bucky’s POV

“I bet you can’t beat me to the water.” A teasing glint flashed in Y/N’s eyes as she grinned at me as we stood facing the waves. I smirked as I pull off my sunglasses and hat. 

“Is that a challenge I hear, Mrs. Barnes?” 

“That’s ‘soon to be’ Mrs. Barnes to you, mister.” She winked. “But you aren’t denying what I said.”

“You haven’t given me the chance.” I pulled off my top and smirked as I felt her eyes scan down my body, before immediately starting to run towards the water.”Challenge accepted!”

“That’s not fair!” Y/N laughed as she started to run through the sand after me. I turned to retort something when I felt my foot fall into hole and my body following after it to the ground.

I let out a soft grunt as I hit the sand, and watched as my fiancé started to run past towards the ocean. I quickly reached out and grabbed her ankle, laughing as she crashed to the ground in a not so graceful manner. 

“Hey!” She protested as I moved to hover over her. “That wasn’t very nice!”

“Neither was laughing at me.” I raised an eyebrow, and Y/N giggled.

“I could’ve…” She stopped for a moment to think. “I could’ve hit my head so hard that I could’ve gotten a concussion.”

“Doll, we’re on sand, not concrete.” 

“Shut up.”

“Gladly.” I smirked before leaning down and kissing her softly. Our lips moved in sync perfectly for a few moments before a cold rush of water slammed into us, interrupting our moment. “Fuck! It’s cold!” 

“Language!” A voice yelled from a ways away, and I turned to see Steve laughing next to Tony as they watched Y/N and I scramble off the now soaking patch of sand. 

“Well… I’d say we call it a tie.” I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her waist and gazed down at her. “The water did touch us at the same time.” 

“I suppose that’s true.” Y/N sighed in defeat, before smiling at me. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I leaned down and kissed her lips before whispering into her ear, “But if we’re being honest, if I hadn’t tripped in that hole, I would’ve beaten you by a landslide.” 

I pulled away and smirked as I walked up the beach towards the others, followed a few seconds by her protests and her footsteps following me up the beach. 

Oh, I would love this woman for the rest of my life…


End file.
